Cri­sis on the Cards!

VIZ - - Gin Damon -

TRAVEL AGENTS were warn­ing tourists against trav­el­ling to Greece next year, as stocks of play­ing cards with pic­tures of big cocks on them have reached an all time low.

Since the pack­age hol­i­day boom of the 1970s, no break to Greece has been com­plete with­out buy­ing a pack of cards with big cock pic­tures on them to take back home. But there are fears that the pre­dicted short­age could see that sit­u­a­tion change.


In an at­tempt to avert the loom­ing cri­sis, the Greek tourism min­istry has ap­proached the EU hop­ing for a tem­po­rary bailout. And whilst the Ber­lin del­e­ga­tion are un­der­stood to have pro­vi­sion­ally agreed to pro­vide them with an emer­gency stock of play­ing cards fea­tur­ing

Greeks go cap-in­hand to EU for help over big cock card short­age

peo­ple piss­ing and hav­ing things put up their ar­ses, the Greeks are re­port­edly not happy at the prospect of be­ing forced to sell Ger­manstyle per­verted sou­venirs.

An E.U. spokesman told re­porters: “For coun­tries with tourism-based economies, sen­si­bly man­ag­ing stocks of big cock cards should be one of the pre­req­ui­sites of Sin­gle Mar­ket mem­ber­ship. Un­for­tu­nately, Greece seems to have en­joyed the boom years with­out giv­ing a thought to what would hap­pen when big cock cards be­came harder to source.”

But al­ways avail­able travel writer Si­mon Calder ar­gued that the trend away from pack­age hol­i­days to­wards DIY deals was be­hind the cri­sis.


“The in­ter­net has killed the trade stone dead,” he told any­one who would put a mi­cro­phone near his mouth.

“Will that do? I’m due on BBC News in 5 min­utes to talk about an out­break of sal­mo­nella on a cruise ship,” he added.

A lo­cal Athens sou­venir shop owner who has been sell­ing packs of cards with big cocks on them for over 20 years told us he couldn’t ever re­mem­ber things be­ing so bad.


“We’ve got just one crate of old rude play­ing cards left in the back, but once they are gone that’s it,” he said. “No-one wants to buy last year’s big cock pic­tures.”

“If peo­ple stop buy­ing flick knives that are ac­tu­ally combs, I’ll be ru­ined,” he added.

Big cock-up: card short­age looms.

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