VIZ - - Meddlesome Ratbag -

AN hi­lar­i­ous of­fice worker had his col­leagues in stitches yes­ter­day af­ter greet­ing one of them with the phrase ‘ what can I do you for?’ Si­mon Onions, a process pro­ces­sor from Hadley and Kemp Pro­cess­ing Ltd, made the com­ment early on Tues­day morn­ing af­ter his col­league Jeremy Sex­toy needed the use of a sta­pler.

“There wasn’t one in the sta­tionery cup­board,” said Sex­toy, who then de­cided to ask Onions if he could bor­row his. And it was on ap­proach­ing his desk that the self-styled of­fice comic ut­tered his hi­lar­i­ous phrase.

“He didn’t say ‘What can I do for you’, as you would ex­pect, but ‘What can I do you for,’” said Sex­toy, still dou­bled up with laugh­ter. “He’d trans­posed the fi­nal two words of the sen­tence for comedic ef­fect. It was com­edy gold.” Other col­leagues joined in hail­ing Mr Onions’ com­i­cal phrase. “‘What can I do you for.’ Yes, that was def­i­nitely bril­liant,” said sales an­a­lyst Ber­nadette Whelks. “The fun­ni­est thing that’s hap­pened here since Mr Rums­feld used to say ‘How you did­dling?’ to peo­ple when he met them.”

“Of course, HR sug­gested that he stop say­ing that, and I sup­pose they were right in the cur­rent cli­mate. It was funny, but not in the same league as Si­mon’s ‘What can I do you for?’”

Mr Onions him­self has re­mained silent on the in­ci­dent, but is thought to be con­sid­er­ing an of­fer from ITV to host an early evening quiz show.

ONIONS: Funny.

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