Landlord Eddie leaks GoT Secrets
ACACHE of Game of Thrones’s most closely guarded secrets has sensationally been LEAKED by a West Midlands pub landlord in a dramatic security breach that has rocked the blockbuster HBO fantasy show to its foundations. Plots from the epic series’s hotly anticipated eighth and final season were apparently left on a pub table in Tettenhall, Wolverhampton by the show’s creator, George RR Martin.
Thebarely legible storylines, scribbled onthe back of a beermat, were found by Eddie Spoiler, manager of the Albion Pub on the town’s Davehill estate.
Spoiler, 62, told local paper the Wrottlesby& Smestowside Argus:“We’d had one of our popular strip show, quiz and meat raffle nights, and me and big San were clearing up the empties in the main bar. It’d been quite busy, so there was a lot of rubbish left on the tables; crisp bags, answer papers and what-have-you.”
“I was just scooping a load into my bin-bag when I noticed the names ‘Daenerys Targaryen’ and ‘Tyrion Lannister’ scrawled on the back of a beermat,” continued Mr Spoiler. “That puzzled me a bit. I knew there’d been no Game of Thrones questions in the quiz, so I read on to see what it was all about.”
He told the paper: “When I realised what I had in my hand, my hat flew about a foot in the air off the top of my head. It was the plots for the whole next series of the biggest show on TV!”
“Suddenly it all made sense. The fat little bearded man who had been sat nursing his pint at the table by the fruity all afternoon must’ve been George RR Martin, the author of the Song of Fire and Ice books on which Game of Thrones is based,” said Mr Spoiler.
“In between the topless floorshow, the meat draw and the quiz, he had clearly been sat there quietly thinking up plots for his top-rated sword and sorcery show.”
Storylines for the top-rated series, which follows the fortunes of the rival houses of Lannister and Stark in the mythical realm of Westeros, are closely guarded secrets. Game of Thrones fans regularly throng internet message boards in search of leaked snippets, and even the actors and crew are kept in the dark about forthcoming twists and turns in the plot.
“I knew the soggy beermat in my hand was dynamite,” said Mr Spoiler. “All the storylines for the final season of the world’s biggest telly programme were there laid out in front of me.”
According to Spoiler, these are just a few of the explosive surprises that the new series, set to air in 2019, has in store for viewers:
• In episode one, Tyrion Lannister pretends to forget his wedding anniversary while secretly planning a surprise party for his wife Sansa Stark. However, when the evening of the party arrives and all the guests are hiding behind a curtain at Winterfell, Lannister finds a note from his wife telling him that she has gone to stay with her sister Arya
• In episode three, hoping to secure a promotion, exiled knight Sir Jorah Mormont invites his boss Daenerys Targaryen round for a meal. Unfortunately, he forgets to tell his wife that Targeryen is the Mother of Dragons and she inadvertently decides to cook a dragon lasagne for dinner
• In episode four, Ned Stark’s bastard son Jon Snow borrows his half-brother Bran’s Valerian Steel sword to cut his hedge. Bran says he wants it back by Saturday morning as he needs it to slay Roose Bolton for forcing his sister into a bigamous and abusive marriage with his son Ramsey. However, on his way home, Ned leaves the magical weapon on the bus to King’s Landing
Mr Spoiler said: “Obviously, I’m not going to divulge how these sensational plots develop. Rest assured the beermat went into much greater detail, revealing a series of fantastic twists and turns that will have viewers clinging to the edge of their seats in suspense.”
But he did reveal that Game of Thrones fans could expect plenty of the explicit eroticism and nudity that has become one of the hit show’s trademarks throughout the final, climactic season. According to Spoiler, shocked viewers will see:
• Brienne of Tarth stood in stockings and suspenders when her armour is ripped off after it gets trapped in a car door
• Eunuch spymaster Lord Varys climbing into bed with naked Dothraki King Khal Drogo after the number 9 on his bedroom door drops round to look like a number 6
• Cersei Lannister’s bra flying off as she’s doing her morning exercises in the Garden of Betrayal
And season eight is set to leave fans reeling as a tranche of beloved characters are killed off in one fell swoop. “I don’t want to reveal too much about the scene in question,” said Mr Spoiler. “But I will say that this massacre will make the Red Wedding look like a picnic in the park.”
An HBO spokesman told us that he could neither confirm nor deny that a scene was planned in which a meeting of the Council of the King’s Hand takes place in Winterfell, wth the members of the council, including Lord Varys, Sir Jaime Lannister and Sandor ‘The Hound’ Clegane, unaware that Sam Tarley, his brother Rodney and his Uncle Albert are in the room above, unbolting a big chandelier off the roof joist to take it down and clean it.
Leaked: Game of Thrones cast yesterday.
Albion: Eddie’s pub, scene of the GoT leaks.
Plotty time: Tettenhall publican Eddie Spoiler found cache of top secret Game of Thrones storylines scribbled on beermat following quiz night and meat raffle.
Plots thicken: (Clockwise from top left) Jora Mormont has embarrassing dinner with boss Daenerys Targaryen, Jon Snow loses brother’s best sword and Tyrion Lannister forgets wedding anniversary.