BLAZE DESTROYS LOCAL BUSINESS
AFULCHESTER man is facing financial ruin after his business was destroyed… by the Great Fire of London!
And self-employed Ronnie Fletcher is now warning others to be vigilant after the second hand car showroom he has run for 25 years was reduced to ashes by the historical conflagration yesterday.
“I was just shutting up shop when I became aware of some kind of wormhole in the spacetime continuum opening up in the showroom,” Fletcher told reporters.
“I could see all old-fashioned people and wooden buildings through it, and everything was on fire. I immediately knew I was looking at 1666 and the Great Fire of London,” he continued.
“I didn’t know what to do but I wanted to help, so rushed into the toilets and got some water to throw through the wormhole.”
showroom But disaster awaited brave Ronnie when he returned to the showroom.
“The inter-epochal portal had closed, but some of the Great Fire had obviously made it through into our time, because the showroom was ablaze,” he said.
In the end, Ronnie could only stand and watch as his successful business empire burned. A member of the public called the fire brigade, but by the time they arrived the showroom, and all the cars in it, had been destroyed.
“The fire chief asked me what I was doing in the smoking remains of my business in the early hours of the morning, holding an empty petrol can,” Ronnie recalled.
tack “I explained that I had been working late due to how well the business was doing at the moment, and that I’d filled the petrol can with water to put out the Great Fire of London.”
“It’s devastating,” he continued. “You might think the Great Fire of London burned itself out on the morning of 5th September 1666, but it could strike at any minute and deprive you of your successful business in otherwise inexplicable circumstances.”
muncher Asked to respond to rumours that the insurance on Ronnie’s showroom had been trebled the week before the blaze, a spokesman for Fulchester police said: “We haven’t ruled anything out at this time, including that the fire may have been started deliberately.”
“We are appealing to members of the public with any information, including anyone in 1666 who might have seen a wormhole pop up with a 21st century car showroom on the other side of it, to come forward,” the spokesman added.
London’s burning: A Viz artist’s impression of how the wormhole may have looked if someone had done a painting of it at the time.
Hot wheels: Fletcher watched as business went up in smoke.