Sir David At­ten­bor­ough

VIZ - - 4-page Plastics Special Report -

LOVED

mil­lions thanks to his count­less awe-in­spir­ing doc­u­men­tary se­ries, the vet­eran TV na­tur­ist has been a na­tional trea­sure for decades. Now well into his nineties, At­ten­bor­ough shows no sign of slow­ing down, and con­tin­ues to use his unique place in the coun­try’s heart as a plat­form to cam­paign on en­vi­ron­men­tal issues. by

It’s a shame he doesn’t take some of his own ad­vice. Under cover of dark­ness, I crept up the drive of At­ten­bor­ough’s swish, de­tached Rich­mond home - all bought and paid for by hard- work­ing BBC li­cence pay­ers - and lo­cated his wheelie bins. Tip­ping them over onto the lawn, I then made a de­tailed foren­sic in­ves­ti­ga­tion of the vet­eran Life On Earth pre­sen­ter’s rub­bish. Nestling in some beans amongst the food left­overs and gen­eral waste for land­fill, I found the smok­ing gun I was look­ing for; the plas­tic lid from a tube of Smar­ties. These things are made of 100% re­cy­clable PET (polyethy­lene tereph­tha­late), yet the self-pro­claimed “en­vi­ron­men­tal­ist” had tossed it into the wrong bin without a thought for the en­vi­ron­ment.

cit­i­zen

It was left to me to do the de­cent thing and put the lid into the mealy-mouthed pre­sen­ter’s re­cy­cling bin, which - good cit­i­zen that I am - I duly did. Then I did a shit on the lawn to make it look as if a fox had been through his rub­bish and made my es­cape.

The Liv­ing Planet may have won this shame­less old hyp­ocrite a shelf-full of awards, but our Blue Planet won’t be liv­ing much longer if he’s got any­thing to do with it.

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