Sir David Attenborough
millions thanks to his countless awe-inspiring documentary series, the veteran TV naturist has been a national treasure for decades. Now well into his nineties, Attenborough shows no sign of slowing down, and continues to use his unique place in the country’s heart as a platform to campaign on environmental issues. by
It’s a shame he doesn’t take some of his own advice. Under cover of darkness, I crept up the drive of Attenborough’s swish, detached Richmond home - all bought and paid for by hard- working BBC licence payers - and located his wheelie bins. Tipping them over onto the lawn, I then made a detailed forensic investigation of the veteran Life On Earth presenter’s rubbish. Nestling in some beans amongst the food leftovers and general waste for landfill, I found the smoking gun I was looking for; the plastic lid from a tube of Smarties. These things are made of 100% recyclable PET (polyethylene terephthalate), yet the self-proclaimed “environmentalist” had tossed it into the wrong bin without a thought for the environment.
It was left to me to do the decent thing and put the lid into the mealy-mouthed presenter’s recycling bin, which - good citizen that I am - I duly did. Then I did a shit on the lawn to make it look as if a fox had been through his rubbish and made my escape.
The Living Planet may have won this shameless old hypocrite a shelf-full of awards, but our Blue Planet won’t be living much longer if he’s got anything to do with it.