How can I get him back?

Woman (UK) - - Family Dilemmas -

Two years af­ter my di­vorce I met a man I really liked. He was lovely and at­ten­tive but I just wasn’t ready for a new re­la­tion­ship, and even though we held hands and saw each other ev­ery week­end, I avoided hav­ing sex with him. There was no way I could get naked in front of a new part­ner. we were off and on for a time – mainly be­cause, the closer we got emo­tion­ally, the more ner­vous I felt. I started to make ex­cuses to get out of see­ing him and even­tu­ally I told him it was over and ended it. I saw him again a year later and told him I was now ready for a re­la­tion­ship, so we be­gan see­ing each other again. But this time it was him who avoided sex, and would of­ten can­cel dates at a mo­ment’s no­tice. now he’s told me it’s over and I’m ab­so­lutely bro­ken-hearted. How can I get him back?

Suzie says:

I’m not sure you can. You could ex­plain to him that your re­luc­tance to get in­ti­mate was noth­ing to do with him but sim­ply be­cause you just weren’t ready for a sex­ual re­la­tion­ship with some­one new, but now you’ve moved on and are ready to be­gin again. But if in the mean­time he’s moved on, or the hurt of your re­jec­tion was too much, then you’ve missed the boat. You may have to ac­cept no means no.

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