‘I WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO LOVE THIS CHILD’

Woman (UK) - - Eat Well, Feel Great -

Hy­acinth Myers, 48, is a busi­ness owner and lives in Lon­don with her sons, aged 21 and 14.

I was a scared and ner­vous teenager af­ter spend­ing my ado­les­cence liv­ing in a house where my mother was abused by my step­fa­ther.

It wasn’t un­til Oc­to­ber 1988, when I was 17, that she was fi­nally able to leave with me and my three younger sib­lings. We moved to a new area where I be­gan art col­lege and made new friends.

Trau­matic attack

But early the fol­low­ing year, af­ter a night out at a mate’s house, his older friend at­tacked me when he went to bed. My at­tacker held me overnight at knife point, re­peat­edly rap­ing me, and threat­en­ing to kill me if I told any­one what had hap­pened.

A cou­ple of weeks later, I got what I thought was my pe­riod, but my stom­ach had started to feel odd and my breasts were hurt­ing. Even­tu­ally, I told my two clos­est friends that I thought I was preg­nant. I couldn’t bring my­self to tell them about the rape, how­ever.

They in­sisted that I did a test and when it turned pos­i­tive I went into shock. I wasn’t ready to be a mum, let alone a sin­gle mum. And while I loved chil­dren, I knew deep down

‘MUM SAID SHE WOULD STAND BY ME’

I wouldn’t be able to love this child, be­cause of how they were con­ceived.

When I fi­nally built up the courage to tell

Mum I was preg­nant, she was up­set and dis­ap­pointed. I told her that the fa­ther was a boy I had pre­vi­ously been dat­ing. Mum said she would stand by me, and re­spected my de­ci­sion. We made the ap­point­ments for the ter­mi­na­tion, but be­cause I was so skinny

I quickly be­gan to show.

One friend sus­pected and said, ‘I hope you’re not preg­nant. Be­cause if you are and have a ter­mi­na­tion, you’re a mur­derer.’ Those words stuck in my head for years.

Open­ing up

Last year, af­ter a lot of ther­apy, I knew it was fi­nally time to tell Mum about the attack that hap­pened 30 years ago. Al­though it was hard for her to hear, it was also a re­lief for her to know the truth af­ter all this time. And she was as sup­port­ive as ever.

To fam­ily mem­bers or friends of a woman fac­ing an un­wanted preg­nancy, my ad­vice would be to try to be sup­port­ive and don’t judge. Mak­ing a de­ci­sion like this is hard enough with­out any­one else’s judge­ment. And, be­sides, ev­ery woman will know what the right de­ci­sion is for her.

Hy­acinth was raped when she was a teenager

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