a prob­lem shared: our ther­a­pist anita naik tack­les your con­cerns

Mum-of-two Anita Naik has been an agony aunt for 25 years

Woman's Own - - Woman’s Own Welcome - Con­tact Anita Send your ques­tions to askanita@ timeinc.com Fol­low her on Twit­ter @Ani­tanaik Or go to ani­tanaik.com

QMy ex-part­ner of four years won’t ac­cept our re­la­tion­ship is over. I broke off af­ter find­ing out he had cheated on me nu­mer­ous times and was clear that it was over. He now texts me dozens of times a day and calls ev­ery night ring­ing un­til I pick up. I then get caught in long con­ver­sa­tions about where it all went wrong and how sorry he is. I’m worn out, I just want him to leave me alone. Philippa, 39, Herts

AYou need to ex­ert some tough love on your ex. By main­tain­ing daily con­tact and tak­ing long calls from him you are let­ting him be­lieve that there’s a chance for rec­on­cil­i­a­tion when there isn’t. For him to move on, you have to be clear and con­sis­tent. This means re­peat­ing that it’s over and turn­ing your phone off at night. Tell him to stop tex­ting and if he con­tin­ues then ig­nore the texts. It’s only by lim­it­ing con­tact and be­ing clear that he’ll get the mes­sage. If you feel har­rassed, get in touch with the po­lice.

Why can’t he make love?

QI’ve never had any prob­lems with sex be­fore, but my new part­ner has dif­fi­culty get­ting an erec­tion. It’s hap­pened twice now and I’m wor­ried. He’s 51 and hasn’t been in a re­la­tion­ship for a while. He doesn’t seem to be con­cerned about it, but I’m scared that it’s about him not find­ing me at­trac­tive. Anon, 44, Read­ing

ADe­spite what many women think, men can’t al­ways get erec­tions when­ever they want. If your part­ner isn’t wor­ried then don’t make a big deal out of it be­cause psy­cho­log­i­cal fac­tors and stress play a huge role in erec­tion is­sues. In­stead of push­ing him, talk to him and ad­mit to why you feel so up­set about it so this doesn’t be­come a big­ger is­sue than it is.

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