a problem shared: our therapist anita naik tackles your concerns
Mum-of-two Anita Naik has been an agony aunt for 25 years
QMy ex-partner of four years won’t accept our relationship is over. I broke off after finding out he had cheated on me numerous times and was clear that it was over. He now texts me dozens of times a day and calls every night ringing until I pick up. I then get caught in long conversations about where it all went wrong and how sorry he is. I’m worn out, I just want him to leave me alone. Philippa, 39, Herts
AYou need to exert some tough love on your ex. By maintaining daily contact and taking long calls from him you are letting him believe that there’s a chance for reconciliation when there isn’t. For him to move on, you have to be clear and consistent. This means repeating that it’s over and turning your phone off at night. Tell him to stop texting and if he continues then ignore the texts. It’s only by limiting contact and being clear that he’ll get the message. If you feel harrassed, get in touch with the police.
Why can’t he make love?
QI’ve never had any problems with sex before, but my new partner has difficulty getting an erection. It’s happened twice now and I’m worried. He’s 51 and hasn’t been in a relationship for a while. He doesn’t seem to be concerned about it, but I’m scared that it’s about him not finding me attractive. Anon, 44, Reading
ADespite what many women think, men can’t always get erections whenever they want. If your partner isn’t worried then don’t make a big deal out of it because psychological factors and stress play a huge role in erection issues. Instead of pushing him, talk to him and admit to why you feel so upset about it so this doesn’t become a bigger issue than it is.