Is it ever OK for couples to ask for cash?
“Like lukewarm tea and people who don’t know how to queue, there are few things that offend my British strait-lacedness as much as opening a wedding invitation only for a little ELW!RI!SDSHU!WR!ÁXWWHU!RXW"!IHDWXULQJ!RQH!RI!WKRVH!QDXVHDWLQJ! money poems. You know the sort: ‘If you were thinking of giving a gift to help us on our way, a gift of money in a card would really make our day!’ It’s not just the twee poem that offends me, it’s any form of being asked for cash in return for being invited to a wedding. An invitation should be a treat, not a transaction. And don’t even get me started on wishing wells at the actual reception. Just where will this avaricious behaviour end?
For my own wedding, you’ll not be surprised to hear that we had a traditional gift list so that we could upgrade our old university plates and pans for something more durable.
If upgrading really isn’t an option then couples need to work a bit harder to get their hands on their guests’ money. 7KH\·OO!ÀQG!WKDW!WUDGLWLRQDOLVWV!OLNH!PH!ZLOO!EH!PXFK!KDSSLHU! to contribute towards something concrete – say actual concrete from a site such as Patchwork, where guests can buy materials for a new house or renovations. Or, if it’s for a honeymoon, use somewhere like Turquoise Holidays’ gift list service so I can contribute towards their hot-air balloon ride over the Serengeti. Or why not use companies such as Prezola, The Wedding Shop and John Lewis, where you can mix gifts, cash, and honeymoon and charity contributions?
A word of warning to anyone I know that’s yet to get married. Ask for cold, hard cash and you’re likely to end up empty handed. Have a gift list or say nothing at all and I’ll treat you to the most beautiful gift my money can buy.”
“AN INVITATION SHOULD BE A TREAT, NOT A TRANSACTION. AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON WISHING WELLS”
“The idea that asking for cash is a slight on a beloved tradition doesn’t sit well with me. There are no set rules on which traditions brides should and shouldn’t follow. We don’t bat an eyelid when a bride wears pink instead of white or has a doughnut tower instead of a cake. So why should ditching the gift list and asking for money cause such a stir?
Today’s newlyweds require and want different things. Asking for cash isn’t garish or rude, it’s just honest: it’s what lots of people need.
With the tradition of the bride’s father footing the entire bill fading fast, 48% of couples pay for at least some of the wedding themselves*. So, as the average wedding comes in at £25,090*, there will be plenty of couples out there who’d rather a cash boost than just more ‘stuff’. Besides, how is giving, say, £40, any different from buying a set of glasses for the same price? Obviously there are limits – asking for ridiculous amounts is rude, and yes, rhyming couplets falling out of your post in the morning is enough to put anyone off their breakfast. But I don’t think it’s greedy, in fact, I think it’s quite the opposite. Of course, there will be exceptions, but the couples I know who asked for money did so to try to prevent their guests spending more on them than they needed to. One friend did so because her loved ones had insisted they wanted to get WKHP!VRPHWKLQJ"!EXW!VKH!DQG!KHU!ÀDQFP!GLGQ·W!ZDQW!WR!PDNH! a gift list and weren’t having a big honeymoon – so they just asked for contributions to a treat in the future. I gave happily, knowing that in a few months’ time, my newly married friends might book themselves a weekend away or buy something they wouldn’t normally, using our contributions.”
“TODAY’S NEWLYWEDS REQUIRE DIFFERENT THINGS. ASKING FOR CASH ISN’T RUDE: IT’S WHAT PEOPLE NEED”
NO! YES! HOLLIE BOND LAURA DEAN-OSGOOD IS Y&YW’S LIFESTYLE EDITOR. SHE SAYS: IS Y&YW’S SUB EDITOR. SHE SAYS: