Bride Wars

We present both sides of the most con­tro­ver­sial wed­ding top­ics THIS IS­SUE: If your fi­nances im­proved, would you up­grade your en­gage­ment ring?

You and Your Wedding - - Debating Team -

“As some­one who ef­fec­tively up­graded their en­gage­ment ring be­fore it was even bought, I would have no prob­lem with giv­ing my­self a lit­tle ‘ring-prove­ment’ in the fu­ture. Let me ex­plain: my boyfriend bor­rowed a ring for the pro­posal, then took me back to the shop to pick a fi­nal de­sign. I po­litely de­clined any of the op­tions there and sourced my­self a be­spoke ring from some­where else for the bud­get he’d set. I know what you’re think­ing, and yes, his pa­tience is part of the rea­son I’m mar­ry­ing him. Any­way, back to the main point. This isn’t to say I want to right now, but I don’t know why you wouldn’t up­grade your en­gage­ment ring. In what other area of your life wouldn’t you jazz things up a lit­tle if you got your paws on some ex­tra pound notes? As my salary has grown over the years, I’ve im­proved my wardrobe, my house and my hol­i­days – not to men­tion that ul­ti­mate wealth in­di­ca­tor, my packed lunches. There’s no great bi­ble of love out there that rules out up­grad­ing your en­gage­ment ring. Just be­cause a ring holds sentimental value, I don’t think it should be re­served for relic sta­tus – never to be touched again after the pro­posal. For me, the value of an en­gage­ment ring isn’t in the ring it­self – it’s in the sen­ti­ment of the pro­posal. The ring is a nice ad­di­tional ex­tra to be­troth­ing your­self to the love of your life. At no point do I mean I’d sling my ring over my shoul­der given the chance of a big­ger, shinier di­a­mond. I’m not mad. How­ever, there are all kinds of ways to up­grade your bling. You can add di­a­monds, have it re­set, or even add a new ring in one of those new-fan­gled ‘stacked’ sit­u­a­tions. Go for it if that’s what would make you happy, and if any­one ques­tions you, tell them you felt it was time to ring the changes!”

“Let me just pref­ace this by say­ing that my own en­gage­ment ring is the most exquisite piece of jew­ellery any­one could wish for. It’s an ex­tra­or­di­nary emer­ald-cut di­a­mond ring that my hus­band’s dear grand­fa­ther, a tal­ented Hat­ton Gar­den jew­eller, de­signed for his beloved wife some 80 years ago. Granted, in my opinion, it’s a phe­nom­e­nal ring with huge sentimental value. But even if that was not the case, I would never up­grade it. For me, it’s not about the ring, it’s what the ring rep­re­sents. I could buy a ring for any other fin­ger at any other time, but this is the one that’s an im­print of an ir­re­place­able mo­ment in our lives. This is the one with the mean­ing and the sym­bol­ism. And it’s the word ‘up­grade’ that I have a par­tic­u­lar prob­lem with. It’s harsh, it’s throw­away, and the as­sump­tion is that you’re trad­ing up, to im­prove in some way, to get a big­ger, flashier, more beau­ti­ful ring. Be­sides, if you start up­grad­ing, when do you stop? There will al­ways be big­ger, there will al­ways be blingier, trends will al­ways change. I have a friend who, some 15 years ago, was given a cu­bic zir­co­nia en­gage­ment ring as it’s all her hus­band could af­ford at the time. He told her they could up­grade when they could af­ford to, but when the time came she had no de­sire to do so. The stone wasn’t im­por­tant to her. What was im­por­tant was that it was the ring he gave her at that point in their life when he knew he wanted to spend for­ever with her. And even though no one would have known it wasn’t a di­a­mond, she never pre­tended that it was, and this re­ally made an im­pres­sion on me. Like ev­ery­thing in life, there will al­ways be a bet­ter ‘ver­sion’ at some point or an­other. But noth­ing re­places sentimental mean­ing and what that ring rep­re­sents.”

Join the de­bate! Let us know where you stand (on this and other wed-re­lated is­sues) at face­­our­wed­ding, or talk it out at youandy­our­wed­­rum


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