Carers in touch
There was a longstanding joke in Sandra Coles’ family – her husband, Richard, always forgot things. Sandra would remind him to pick up his keys and wallet, but in 2005 she noticed a change in him. Richard developed shingles and became depressed, then, a short time later, he was diagnosed with early-onset dementia at the age of 57. Richard’s health deteriorated and, just before Christmas 2015, the family was dealt another blow. The couple’s daughter gave birth to a boy called Bertie – sadly, he died two days later. The family told Richard about the baby’s death and, although he didn’t know who they were at that time, they feel he took in the sad news as he refused to eat or drink any more. Richard died on January 11. “We had two funerals within ten days and, looking back, I don’t know how we got through it,” says Sandra (68). “I didn’t grieve straight away because I was trying to support my daughter and her family.” It wasn’t until last summer that Sandra finally began to grieve and the tears started to flow. It was then that she knew she needed help. “I’ve got fabulous friends and family but I wasn’t coping, so I had bereavement counselling with the Cruse charity. That was a real turning point for me – it
‘I wasn’t coping, so I had bereavement counselling with the Cruse charity’
wasn’t just Richard’s death I was trying to deal with, it was the stress of the ten years of caring.” Sandra now feels there is light at the end of the tunnel. “I have sad moments, but they are getting fewer,” says Sandra. “Now I never go to bed without having something planned for the next day. It might be going out with a friend, or just clearing out a cupboard. “Life is better again now. It’s not what I wanted, but I’m happy.”