Sil­ver split­ters

Go­ing through a di­vorce can be tough, but you don’t have to do it alone. Here’s how you can pre­pare for a happy and se­cure fu­ture

YOURS (UK) - - News - By Gabrielle Al­bert

‘It’s re­ally im­por­tant not to crit­i­cise each other in front of the chil­dren’

PRO­TECT YOUR EMO­TIONS

Re­gard­less of who makes the de­ci­sion to end your mar­riage, you will both have com­plex emo­tional feel­ings to deal with. “If you can, sit down with your part­ner and agree your shared pri­or­i­ties, in­clud­ing how much you’ll tell peo­ple about your sit­u­a­tion. You’ll have some re­ally dif­fi­cult con­ver­sa­tions be­cause the emo­tions are so raw,“says He­lene Bradley-Ritt of coach­ing com­pany Boudica & Eir (www.boudi­caeir.com). “But if you feel your­self get­ting wound up, take a deep breath and try to fo­cus on your de­sired out­come and fu­ture.” Telling your friends and fam­ily, par­tic­u­larly your chil­dren (how­ever old they are!) can be very tough. “It helps to agree about what you’ll say to them and stick to it,” says He­lene. “It’s re­ally im­por­tant not to crit­i­cise each other in front of them – to pro­tect their well­be­ing and your dig­nity.” Once you make the break it’s vi­tal to en­sure you have a good sup­port net­work. Your cir­cle of friends and your so­cial life will change af­ter di­vorce, so make an ac­tive ef­fort to stay in touch with your old friends and be open to mak­ing new ones. Try to make sure there are peo­ple around you who will lis­ten and be im­par­tial. It’s much eas­ier to be hon­est with peo­ple who won’t take sides.

Th­ese days, fewer peo­ple are choosing to stay in un­happy mar­riages. ‘’The di­vorce rate for peo­ple over 50 has been in­creas­ing steadily over the past three decades,’’ says di­vorce lawyer Jeetesh Pa­tel, from Hodge Jones & Allen (www.hja.net). Al­though di­vorce can be painful, and com­pli­cated greater work op­por­tu­ni­ties and longer life ex­pectancy mean many women recog­nise this as a time of life when they can seek per­sonal ful­fill­ment af­ter years of putting their fam­i­lies first. But end­ing your re­la­tion­ship af­ter decades to­gether comes with its own set of chal­lenges, so we asked the ex­perts for their ad­vice on achiev­ing the best out­come.

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