Un­happy ba­bies at pool re­sult in one un­happy adult

Austin American-Statesman - - AUSTIN360BETS - cAroLYN hAX Tell Me About It is writ­ten by Carolyn Hax of The Washington Post. Her col­umn ap­pears on Tues­day, Thurs­day and Satur­day. E-mail her at tellme@ wash­post.com.

Dear Carolyn: Would it be rude to ask my apart­ment com­plex for adult-only hours at the pool?

My one day off and I’m sur­rounded by moms with cry­ing ba­bies. Come on, the kid doesn’t want to swim, and he’s prob­a­bly peed in the pool al­ready! Am I be­ing in­tol­er­ant?

— Mary­land

Dear Mary­land: You are, but a lot of those moms, when they get time to them­selves, feel the way you do about other peo­ple’s cry­ing ba­bies — and of course, at one time, you, too, wailed and peed with the best of them — so don’t get sucked into an Us vs. Them men­tal­ity.

As long as you don’t in­fringe upon kid­die prime time, ar­rang­ing adult-only pool hours can ac­tu­ally help build re­la­tions, just as fences make good neigh­bors.

There’s noth­ing more dispir­it­ing to a par­ent than to have to wran­gle a crabby kid while crabby by­standers roll their eyes. Com­pas­sion for all is ideal, but if you can’t sym­pa­thize, then by all means, com­part­men­tal­ize.

Dear Carolyn: How do I ad­dress a per­pet­ual tex­ter? We of­ten dou­ble date.

I first no­ticed that she texted through­out din­ner (un­der the ta­ble, as if we didn’t no­tice!), and after­ward at a sport­ing event she texted till her phone died.

We re­cently took a road trip with this cou­ple, and she spent 85 per­cent of it tex­ting — in­clud­ing while she was driv­ing a car full of peo­ple at 75 mph.

What can I say with­out an ul­ti­ma­tum? My fear is that she’ll re­sent me, and al­ways be wait­ing for me to leave so that she can text.

— Over the Limit

Dear Over the Limit: That’s what you fear? Not one­ness with a bridge abut­ment?

If you can’t just say, “Please join the con­ver­sa­tion” or “Pull over, I want out of this death trap,” then I fear for your abil­ity to stand up for your­self.

I re­al­ize you don’t want to spoil a friend­ship, but that’s on her thumbs, not your con­science.

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