Dear Just Wondering: “The wives” obviously identify with Gloria and feel that John’s not wearing sackcloth and ashes for at least a year after her death is disrespectful to her memory. That’s what they would expect from you. They would also prefer that you not date any of the available women in your circle. They were stating their feelings. So consider yourselves put on notice!
From my perspective, it seems your wives feel neither John nor Peggy has grieved long enough, and so they are punishing them. It is possible, however, that Gloria told John she didn’t want him to be alone and grieve after she was gone, which is why he is being comforted by someone who knew them both. I’d advise your wives to give them the benefit of the doubt instead of shunning them.
I recently had a child and would like to join a church for the community, moral messages and the music. I grew up going to one and got a lot out of it.
However, exploration throughout my 20s made me realize that I didn’t believe what was being taught. I tried hard to accept the doctrines, but truthfully, I doubt I ever will. Would it be dishonest to start attending again?
Dear New Mom: Many people consider themselves to be more “spiritual” than “religious.” And I’m willing to bet that in many congregations there is a range in the intensity of belief among the attendees.
I encourage you to select a denomination with which you feel most comfortable. Some — like the Unitarian Universalist faith (www.uua.org) — have no dogma or creed and support their members in following their own spiritual paths.