Don’t try to fix re­la­tion­ship with mom

Austin American-Statesman - - TV TONIGHT -

Dear Abby: My 89-year-old mother has al­ways been dif­fi­cult. She not only never loved me, she treated me as if she didn’t like me, ei­ther. She told me she didn’t send me a birth­day card on my birth­day last month be­cause “What was it sup­posed to say — what a ‘won­der­ful’ per­son you are?” My chil­dren vis­i­bly winced when they heard her say it and worked ex­tra-hard to make sure my day was spe­cial.

Abby, I have can­cer. My prog­no­sis is ques­tion­able. I was sup­posed to have been dead seven years ago. My prob­lem is, I re­cently was told that my mother has been keep­ing in touch with a sin­gle friend of mine from years ago, and they are mak­ing plans for her to marry my hus­band when I die! A few other so-called friends are in on this. This last be­trayal is in­cred­i­bly hurt­ful. Where do I go from here?

— J.C. in Cal­i­for­nia

Dear J.C.: As far away from your toxic mother as pos­si­ble — and on to a long, and hope­fully com­plete, re­mis­sion!

Dear Abby: I am 20, newly mar­ried and happy with my new hus­band. I didn’t tell my fa­ther when I got mar­ried; he just found out. When I moved out four months ago, I also didn’t tell Dad I was en­gaged.

Dad called me to ask if it was true that I had got­ten mar­ried. I said yes, and he got an­gry. He asked if I was preg­nant and I told him no. Then he wished me luck with my hus­band, said we were on our own now.

I have al­ways been a daddy’s girl. When it came time to get mar­ried, I didn’t tell him be- cause I knew he’d try to stop me. I love my fa­ther and don’t want him out of my life. What should I do? — New­ly­wed in Jack­son,


Dear New­ly­wed: Your fa­ther was hurt by what you did. When a fa­ther loves his daugh­ter, he looks for­ward to the day he will proudly walk her down the aisle, know­ing the man she is mar­ry­ing will be a sta­ble part­ner. When you sneaked off, you took that away from him. He might also be up­set that the young man you mar­ried isn’t fi­nan­cially in­de­pen­dent.

You owe your dad an apol­ogy. Write him a let­ter, ex­plain why you did what you did and that you love him. It’s a step in the right di­rec­tion. Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby ap­pears on Sun­day, Mon­day, Wed­nes­day and Fri­day. E-mail Dear Abby at www.


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