Don’t try to fix relationship with mom
Dear Abby: My 89-year-old mother has always been difficult. She not only never loved me, she treated me as if she didn’t like me, either. She told me she didn’t send me a birthday card on my birthday last month because “What was it supposed to say — what a ‘wonderful’ person you are?” My children visibly winced when they heard her say it and worked extra-hard to make sure my day was special.
Abby, I have cancer. My prognosis is questionable. I was supposed to have been dead seven years ago. My problem is, I recently was told that my mother has been keeping in touch with a single friend of mine from years ago, and they are making plans for her to marry my husband when I die! A few other so-called friends are in on this. This last betrayal is incredibly hurtful. Where do I go from here?
— J.C. in California
Dear J.C.: As far away from your toxic mother as possible — and on to a long, and hopefully complete, remission!
Dear Abby: I am 20, newly married and happy with my new husband. I didn’t tell my father when I got married; he just found out. When I moved out four months ago, I also didn’t tell Dad I was engaged.
Dad called me to ask if it was true that I had gotten married. I said yes, and he got angry. He asked if I was pregnant and I told him no. Then he wished me luck with my husband, said we were on our own now.
I have always been a daddy’s girl. When it came time to get married, I didn’t tell him be- cause I knew he’d try to stop me. I love my father and don’t want him out of my life. What should I do? — Newlywed in Jackson,
Dear Newlywed: Your father was hurt by what you did. When a father loves his daughter, he looks forward to the day he will proudly walk her down the aisle, knowing the man she is marrying will be a stable partner. When you sneaked off, you took that away from him. He might also be upset that the young man you married isn’t financially independent.
You owe your dad an apology. Write him a letter, explain why you did what you did and that you love him. It’s a step in the right direction. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby appears on Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday. E-mail Dear Abby at www. DearAbby.com.