Man hurts his wife’s feel­ings by buy­ing own gifts

Austin American-Statesman - - AUSTIN360 DAILY - Dear Abby Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby ap­pears on Sun­day, Mon­day, Wed­nes­day and Fri­day. Email Dear Abby at Contributed by Pablo levin

Dear Abby: Twice in re­cent years my hus­band has bought a gift for him­self for Christ­mas, wrapped it, put it un­der the tree and then opened it on Christ­mas morn­ing, glee­fully ex­claim­ing that it was a great gift and just what he wanted.

The first time he did it, he wrote my name on the gift card as the giver. The sec­ond time he didn’t bother. When I asked him why, he said it was some­thing he saw in the store and wanted. When I asked why he didn’t just ask me to get it, he didn’t have an an­swer.

I don’t know what to make of his be­hav­ior, but it is de­mean­ing and I feel an­gry for days af­ter­ward. He has a habit of com­par­ing my gifts with those from his son or those he bought for him­self, and it makes me feel as if mine don’t mea­sure up. My hus­band is 77. What’s wrong with him?

— Per­plexed in Florida Dear Per­plexed: It ap­pears you mar­ried some­one who likes to buy on im­pulse and is in­sen­si­tive to how his words and ac­tions af­fect oth­ers. Look on the bright side: He’s solved the prob­lem of what to get the man who has ev­ery­thing for you!

How­ever, be­cause this is a re­cent change in his be­hav­ior, con­sider re­port­ing it to his doc­tor. Dear Abby: I have re­ceived sev­eral in­vi­ta­tions to par­ties re­cently in which I was asked to do part of the work or par­tic­i­pate in some of the ex­penses.

The one that really took the cake was to a party hosted by my boss. She had de­cided to cel­e­brate her birth­day at her house, and when I and my co­work­ers RSVP’d, we were asked what type of dish we planned to bring. We also dis­cov­ered that only in­vited em­ploy­ees were asked to bring food. Her “real friends” weren’t asked to bring any­thing. Need­less to say, all but one em­ployee re­mem­bered they had a “con­flict.”

If some­one doesn’t have the time or money to host a party, there are plenty of in­ex­pen­sive foods, dis­pos­able table­ware, etc., that can be used in a pleas­ant, cost­ef­fec­tive event with­out bur­den­ing — fi­nan­cially or oth­er­wise — in­vited guests. What mat­ters is get­ting to­gether to cel­e­brate and so­cial­ize and have a good time with friends and fam­ily. Abby, your thoughts?

— Un­happy “Guest” in Mis­souri Dear “Guest”: I’m glad you asked. I agree with your sen­ti­ments. Your boss should be ashamed of her­self for try­ing to use you and the other em­ploy­ees in the guise of hav­ing you as guests at her birth­day party. How tacky!

Dear Abby: I’m at­tend­ing a wed­ding in a few months. The bride has re­quested that all fe­male guests not wear heels be­cause they’re a short cou­ple. I don’t have any flats that will go with my dress, so I will have to ei­ther buy new shoes or “dis­ap­point” the bride.

I’ve been hear­ing sto­ries about wed­ding guests be­ing told what col­ors to wear. I think brides (and cou­ples) like this are go­ing too far. What do you think?

— Put Out in Bri­tish Columbia Dear Put Out: I think that if the bri­dal cou­ple would like to feel a few inches taller on their big day, and buy­ing a new pair of shoes would stretch your bud­get, you should con­sider hav­ing an old pair of flats dyed to match your dress, or skip the fes­tiv­i­ties and send your good wishes.

Elec­tro rock­ers Kinky per­form tonight at Stubb’s.

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