Snoop­ing vi­o­lates more than loved one’s pri­vacy

Austin American-Statesman - - AUSTIN360 DAILY - Carolyn Hax Tell Me About It is writ­ten by Carolyn Hax ofthe Washington Post. Her col­umn ap­pears on Tues­day, Thurs­day and Satur­day. Email her at tellme@wash­post.com.

While I’m away, read­ers give the ad­vice. On snoop­ing: I’ve seen so many let­ters about read­ing a sig­nif­i­cant other’s texts or emails. I’ve even read a few col­umns that sug­gested a cheater who has promised to re­form should give their spouse or part­ner all their pass­words.

What never seems to come up is that you are also vi­o­lat­ing the pri­vacy of ev­ery­one who writes to the per­son whose ac­counts are now open books. It’s some­thing snoop­ers should think about when they go onto an email ac­count or phone. They’re not just vi­o­lat­ing their part­ner’s pri­vacy, they also may find in­for­ma­tion that a per­fectly in­no­cent per­son never wanted to share with them. — E. On deal­ing with a loved one’s en­gage­ment to an abu­sive mate:

See­ing a loved one get in­volved with an abu­sive part­ner can be in­cred­i­bly dif­fi­cult, es­pe­cially if you see the loved one ig­nore ob­vi­ous and re­peated warn­ing signs. If they’ve been to­gether a long time, his sense of re­al­ity might be even more skewed than he lets on.

I speak from ex­pe­ri­ence. I was en­gaged to a woman who was abu­sive and it took the con­tin­ued ef­forts of friends and loved ones to see what I was too ashamed to rec­og­nize.

A vic­tim of abuse is go­ing to need some­one to keep his sense of re­al­ity and self, par­tic­u­larly when she really starts to sink her claws into him. I am so thank­ful to friends and fam­ily who cared enough and helped me get my life back. — D. On de­cid­ing whether to have chil­dren:

When I was a new­ly­wed, my mom gave me this ad­vice: “If you can­not imag­ine your­self hav­ing a happy fu­ture with­out, have a child. If you can in any way see your­self liv­ing hap­pily with­out, do not.”

Af­ter 36 years of moth­er­ing, here’s what I think: If I could have known how won­der­ful the good is, I would have started 10 years ear­lier and had twice as many. If I could have known how aw­ful the bad is, I would not have had any.

CONTRIBUTED BY ALEXAN­DRA VALENTI

Corb Lund will per­form this week­end at An­tone’s.

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