Man sus­pects wife’s bar pal is more than a friend

Austin American-Statesman - - THE PLANNER - Jeanne Phillips Dear Abby

Dear Abby: I’ve had a feel­ing my wife is about to leave me for an­other man. For the last few months he has been com­ing to the bar where she works and say­ing stuff to her. I don’t know what he says, but he has also been tex­ting her and post­ing things on her Face­book page.

She told me he’s only a friend, but since he has been com­ing around at her work, she’s been re­ally cold to me at night. We don’t have sex like we used to, and she doesn’t let me hold her when we are in bed. Plus, she used to sleep nude, but now she wears pa­ja­mas to bed.

What should I do? She told me I need to get help be­cause I’m jeal­ous of him. — Jeal­ous in Ore­gon

Dear Jeal­ous: I think “help” would be a good idea. Tell your wife you’re will­ing to get some on the con­di­tion that she come with you. It’s called mar­riage coun­sel­ing, and clearly you both are in need of some. Your doc­tor can re­fer you to a li­censed ther­a­pist. Also, if you have a reli­gious ad­viser, make an ap­point­ment to talk with him or her. If your wife re­fuses, do both of these things with­out her. Please don’t wait.

Dear Abby: I’m a 15-year-old sopho­more. Peo­ple in my class openly share their opin­ions and act dis­gusted when a slightly older man and a younger woman are to­gether, or vice versa.

I get of­fended when my class­mates make these com­ments be­cause my mom is 39 and my step­fa­ther is 27. They love each other very much, and I don’t think age should in­ter­fere. Am I over­sen­si­tive be­cause I’m of­fended by these com­ments? — Age is Just a Num­ber

Dear Age: Be­com­ing of­fended solves noth­ing, un­less the com­ments are made specif­i­cally about your mom and step­dad. It’s my ob­ser­va­tion that peo­ple with lit­tle life ex­pe­ri­ence tend to be judg­men­tal about things they know noth­ing about, and 15-year-olds are no ex­cep­tion. Per­haps when your class­mates are older, they’ll re­al­ize that peo­ple don’t fall in love “by the num­bers” and that it’s a mis­take to gen­er­al­ize.

Dear Abby: When I was grow­ing up, I was al­ways told to re­move my shoes when vis­it­ing an­other per­son’s house, es­pe­cially if they have new f loor­ing. Now that I’m an adult and build­ing a new house, I would like to ask peo­ple to re­move their shoes upon en­ter­ing my home.

I have young chil­dren and ex­pect fam­ily with other small kids will visit. I’d like to keep the f loors clean and main­tain their good con­di­tion. Would it be tacky or rude to ask this of vis­i­tors? — Shoeless in St. Louis

Dear Shoeless: I don’t think so, but some peo­ple may. In Ja­pan, re­mov­ing one’s shoes be­fore en­ter­ing a dwelling is cus­tom­ary. The soles of shoes are cov­ered with germs, and if small chil­dren crawl around on your floors, it’s not too much to ask. Be sure to warn prospec­tive guests in ad­vance so they can bring their own slip­pers, or keep a sup­ply of them by your front door.

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