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Newlywed in limbo over potential kids

Dear Amy: I’ve only been married for a year, but my relationship has been far from a honeymoon experience. Dear Stuck: Your hus

Before marriage, my band said he was “willing” husband and I talked about to marry you because he children, and I thought we could imagine you having were on the same page. his children. Quick, call

We discussed how we Hollywood! This is a rowould raise our children mance for the ages. and even considered a I’m being snarky here. prenuptial agreement No marriage is perfect. But around our future chilmy point is that at the dren. beginning, it should at least

He mentioned that one feel perfect. of the reasons he was willHere you are, only one ing to marry me is because year in, and you’re onto he could see me having his your second therapist. I am kid(s). This is a man who a big believer in couples broke off two prior longcounseling, but again, the term relationships because goal of counseling is to find he was too young and resolution, not another couldn’t imagine having counselor. children with those partI will grant him this: He ners. I took his word serisays he does not want to ously. Fast-forward, he is have children because your now 39 and had been sinrelationship is so unstable. gle for a couple of years You may see that as selfish before meeting me. — I see that as self-preser

Our marriage has been vation. He is actually being tumultuous since day one, more thoughtful and caredue to cultural difference ful than you are. He knows Dear Confused: During (he’s British, I’m Amerithat a potential child demy own episodes with can), miscommunication serves better than to have a taking care of various and our continuous trigparent who is so reluctant family members, I have gering of one another. to be one. heard sweet little old ladies

We’re now onto our So, let me put it this way: make statements in the second therapist and If you hesitate signing a ICU that would curl your things have gotten slightly one-year lease with your hair. better, but he is still up in husband, please do not A stroke affects the the air about children. sign up for a lifetime of brain. Medication also

None of our therapists parenthood with him. affects thinking and behavcan even get aior.straight answer from him, but he Dear Amy: I have been in If your boyfriend says mentions the unstable a relationship with somethat this sort of comment is relationship as a factor in one for over a year. I very totally out of character for his decision-making. He much love him. We are still his father, then I think you says he will address it fully getting to know one anothshould give him the benefit when the time comes. er’s families. of the doubt until further

Honestly, I intended to Recently, his father had experience either refutes have children in my early a stroke. Right after he had or confirms your first 30s, but now as I approach returned home from the impression. 30 and enter a rental lease hospital, we visited. agreement for one year While we were there, with him, I’m worried. his father made various

I’m wondering — how comments about how long should I wait or some of his nurses were should I start mentally very attractive. He said that checking out within this next year? Help me, please! while they were taking care of him, he really wanted them to “get naked” and shower with him.

He has been married almost 20 years!

My boyfriend and I were the only ones in the room when he said this, and my boyfriend insisted it wasn’t like him at all.

I have worked in health care, and although I have seen/ heard just about everything, his comment absolutely crossed a line.

We were invited over recently for a picnic. I couldn’t bring myself to go because the thought of spending time with that man made me sick!

Am I overreacting when I say I don’t want to be around that man?

Should I believe his behavior was due to a recent health emergency and/or the resulting medication?

Copyright 2020 by Amy Dickinson

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