Profile My Forever Valentine
Marriage not always easy, mutual respect and faith play roles
“There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.” —Martin Luther BYRON AND LINDA LILES “Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success.” —Henry Ford
L et’s dispel the discouraging urban legend that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. Pinpointing percentages by state is impossible, it turns out, but studies in the last three decades clearly indicate a steady decline in divorce. Love, it seems, is alive and well, evidenced by two Bonita couples whose lasting unions define Valentine’s Day. They married 46 years ago. She was 20. He was 27. Byron Liles was a church youth group leader when he spotted Linda Sawtelle at a roller-rink outing. A third-generation Bonita Springs native (his grandfather was pioneer James Wallace Lyles, born in 1897), Byron wanted to be a rancher, instead forming the Byron Liles Insurance Agency.
Linda had wanted to sing and was destined to relocate to Missouri, where she and her father would attend Bible college. But everything changed that night at the roller rink. “He was my first boyfriend,” Linda says. “Byron was the one God picked out for me.”
Still, she’d promised to move to Missouri―and did. And Byron didn’t stand in her way. “I wanted her to be sure [about us],” Byron says. “I wanted her to have that college opportunity without my interfering. But I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life without her.”
Byron would propose in a letter, which she accepted. He sent her money for an engagement ring. Byron’s mother sewed the bridesmaids’ dresses. They honeymooned in Georgia. Nearing a golden anniversary, Byron, now 73 and Linda, 66, have three children and three grandchildren.
Marriage remains the center of their universe because they follow the commandments of the Bible, Byron says, with “fidelity and honor. We both believe God selected us to be together.”
She was an elementary education student at Southeast Missouri State University, where he was a professor. Their paths crossed on a 10-cent beer night. Their first dinner date was at the Purple Crackle, an old dance club. They dated for three years.
Peter Bergerson and Connie Troll married in 1972 under the St. Louis Gateway Arch. They lived for 34 years in nearby Cape Girardeau, where he led the Southeast Missouri State University political science department and she taught elementary school. They raised two children.
The couple migrated to Bonita Springs in 2002, Peter working at Florida Gulf Coast University to develop a political science curriculum and to teach public administration. Connie taught reading in Collier County schools. She retired in 2015, and then returned to teaching part time. “I loved the year off, but this is perfect for me,” she says. “We have been poor as church mice. And now, for two teachers, we’re doing pretty well!”
But the path wasn’t always smooth. “One of the greatest personal challenges was completing my Ph.D. with two young kids at home,” Peter muses.
Because the couple raised their children in a city without nearby family, they depended completely on one another, perhaps a secret to success. “Peter’s schedule was more flexible,” Connie says. “He’d do the oil changes and other errands. I had the kids in the summer. We always shared responsibilities. Peter likes to cook. I make the sides. We have a cleaning lady because we both like a clean house and don’t like to clean. And the last one out of bed makes it.”
“It’s not the traditional marriage with defined roles,” Peter adds. “But we have traditional values: mutual respect, understanding, trust.”
They never thought about breaking up, either. And if there’s trouble in paradise? Laughing, Peter says: “I just make a Manhattan and go into the other room.”
There were, of course, ups and downs. “I had breast cancer and underwent two rounds of chemo. That threw us for a loop,” Connie says. “But Peter just picked up the ball. He is not a nurse, but he did it. And look at me now!” Peter finishes the thought: “Beautiful as ever.”
And Peter in 2015 experienced pulmonary issues. “We could have lost him,” Connie says. “But he’s good now. We are lucky that God has made so much possible in our lives.”
Peter punctuates the thought: “We like God.” Kathy Grey is an editor and writer living in Fort Myers.
PETER AND CONNIE BERGERSON “In my house I’m the boss … my wife is just the decision maker.” —Woody Allen