GMO Cat­tle Are Here!

Catron Courier - - Front Page - by Sam “Sweet­wa­ter” Sav­age

Aus­tralia is the home of Anna Creek Sta­tion, the world’s largest cat­tle ranch. Due to the “Big Dry”, the worst drought in a cen­tury, the ranch has been forced to sell off most of its live­stock. The ranch’s 9,267 square miles in the Out­back nor­mally sup­ports 16,000 cat­tle, but the ex­treme cli­mate change has forced the herd to be whit­tled down to less than 2,000. Dozens of jobs have been lost. Lo­cals have had to re­sort to eat­ing kan­ga­roos as they did decades ago.

Pro­fes­sor L. I. Ehr, PhD, of Aus­tralian Na­tional Univer­sity at Can­berra, one of Aus­tralia’s lead­ing re­searchers in ge­netic engi­neer­ing set out to solve the rancher’s prob­lems. Dr. Ehr won­dered if it was pos­si­ble to splice DNA of droughtre­sis­tant na­tive an­i­mals with a cow.

First, Dr. Ehr re­searched the most com­mon killers of cat­tle. For­tu­nately Amer­ica’s Na­tional Agri­cul­tural Sta­tis­tics Ser­vice (NASS), an arm of the USDA, had com­piled ac­cu­rate in­for­ma­tion on un­in­tended cat­tle losses, which are: res­pi­ra­tory prob­lems 26%, un­known health prob­lems 18%, di­ges­tive prob­lems 13%, calv­ing prob­lems 12%, weather 12%, known dis­eases 5%, lame­ness/in­jury 4%, known med­i­cal prob­lems 4%, coy­otes 3%, uniden­ti­fied car­ni­vores 0.9%, poi­son­ing 0.9%, do­mes­tic dogs 0.6%, pu­mas, bob­cats & lynx 0.5%, theft 0.4%, vul­tures 0.3%, wolves 0.2%, and bears 0.1%.

Look­ing through the univer­sity’s store­house of DNA sam­ples, he looked for suit­able crosses but found an un­likely so­lu­tion with di­nosaurs. DNA sam­ples showed these an­cient beasts had sim­ple and rugged res­pi­ra­tory and di­ges­tive sys­tems, plus ag­gres­sive im­mune sys­tems. These char­ac­ter­is­tics would elim­i­nate more than half of causes of cat­tle loss. Even though pre­da­tion from big cats, coy­otes and wolves caused less than 2% of the losses, di­nosaurs DNA would add tough scales that would put an end to any pre­da­tion.

Dr. Ehr knew he was on to some­thing big.

As­sisted by a team of grad­u­ate stu­dents, Dr. Ehr went to work and be­gan gene splic­ing. Af­ter just a few months, he had cre­ated a new cat­tledi­nosaur ge­net­i­cally mod­i­fied an­i­mal he dubbed the Bostau­rusaurus, although around the univer­sity cam­pus they be­came known af­fec­tion­ately as cow­asauruses.

In test­ing, the Bostau­rusaurus out-per­formed ex­pec­ta­tions. Rather than a nine -month ges­ta­tion pe­riod, Bostau­rusaurus ges­tated in four months. Bostau­rusaurus also reached ma­tu­rity in eight months.

Re­searchers ex­posed the Bostau­rusaurus to a host of deadly dis­eases in­clud­ing bluetongue, black­leg and many oth­ers. The Bostau­rusaurus was com­pletely im­mune. The new crea­ture sur­vived in tem­per­a­tures from mi­nus 40 to over 140 de­grees and were not both­ered by drought con­di­tions. The big test came when they took a ma­ture Bostau­rusaurus to a butcher.

Vol­un­teers were in­vited to a taste test­ing of the mys­tery meat. Most said the meat tasted like “a cross be­tween beef and chicken” with just a touch of os­trich in there. The tail meat be­came the most pop­u­lar.

Bostau­rusauri saved Anna Creek Sta­tion, and de­mand for them ex­ploded. In re­sponse, the ANU li­censed the tech­nol­ogy to Fu­ture­cow In­dus­tries, Inc., a di­vi­sion of Moon­santo

here in the US. As of April 1st, 2016, Fu­ture­cow will be sell­ing weaned Bostau­rusaurus calves to in­ter­ested ranch­ers. These new-fan­gled cat­tle are ex­pen­sive, so ini­tially only wealthy ranch­ers will be able to af­ford them, but ex­perts pre­dict they may soon re­place what we cur­rently think of as cat­tle.

Fu­ture­cow is cur­rently work­ing hard to squelch some ugly ru­mors that are go­ing around about how dan­ger­ous Bostau­rusauri are. Fu­ture­cow has as­sured this reporter that the Bostau­rusauri do not leap over 12’ high fenc­ing with ease us­ing their huge rear legs, never use their ra­zor-sharp rear claws to dis­em­bowel peo­ple, there is no video ev­i­dence that one lash of a whip from their mas­sive tails can in­stantly snap fence wires or that they are com­pletely bul­let proof. Said a source at Fu­ture­cow, “There is no down-side to the Bostau­rusaurus. And we fully deny any ru­mors that we are hav­ing trou­ble with roundups of those few strays who have wan­dered off from Fu­ture­cow ex­per­i­men­tal pas­tures. Our cows come home ev­ery night to us! When­ever sci­ence in­no­vates there will al­ways be nay-say­ers who re­sist progress.”

Fu­ture­cow is cer­tain that the for­ward-see­ing ranch­ers in the US South­west will see be­yond fear tac­tics and fully em­brace the new Bostau­rusaurus with­out hes­i­ta­tion and with lots of strong ropes.

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