GMO Cattle Are Here!
Australia is the home of Anna Creek Station, the world’s largest cattle ranch. Due to the “Big Dry”, the worst drought in a century, the ranch has been forced to sell off most of its livestock. The ranch’s 9,267 square miles in the Outback normally supports 16,000 cattle, but the extreme climate change has forced the herd to be whittled down to less than 2,000. Dozens of jobs have been lost. Locals have had to resort to eating kangaroos as they did decades ago.
Professor L. I. Ehr, PhD, of Australian National University at Canberra, one of Australia’s leading researchers in genetic engineering set out to solve the rancher’s problems. Dr. Ehr wondered if it was possible to splice DNA of droughtresistant native animals with a cow.
First, Dr. Ehr researched the most common killers of cattle. Fortunately America’s National Agricultural Statistics Service (NASS), an arm of the USDA, had compiled accurate information on unintended cattle losses, which are: respiratory problems 26%, unknown health problems 18%, digestive problems 13%, calving problems 12%, weather 12%, known diseases 5%, lameness/injury 4%, known medical problems 4%, coyotes 3%, unidentified carnivores 0.9%, poisoning 0.9%, domestic dogs 0.6%, pumas, bobcats & lynx 0.5%, theft 0.4%, vultures 0.3%, wolves 0.2%, and bears 0.1%.
Looking through the university’s storehouse of DNA samples, he looked for suitable crosses but found an unlikely solution with dinosaurs. DNA samples showed these ancient beasts had simple and rugged respiratory and digestive systems, plus aggressive immune systems. These characteristics would eliminate more than half of causes of cattle loss. Even though predation from big cats, coyotes and wolves caused less than 2% of the losses, dinosaurs DNA would add tough scales that would put an end to any predation.
Dr. Ehr knew he was on to something big.
Assisted by a team of graduate students, Dr. Ehr went to work and began gene splicing. After just a few months, he had created a new cattledinosaur genetically modified animal he dubbed the Bostaurusaurus, although around the university campus they became known affectionately as cowasauruses.
In testing, the Bostaurusaurus out-performed expectations. Rather than a nine -month gestation period, Bostaurusaurus gestated in four months. Bostaurusaurus also reached maturity in eight months.
Researchers exposed the Bostaurusaurus to a host of deadly diseases including bluetongue, blackleg and many others. The Bostaurusaurus was completely immune. The new creature survived in temperatures from minus 40 to over 140 degrees and were not bothered by drought conditions. The big test came when they took a mature Bostaurusaurus to a butcher.
Volunteers were invited to a taste testing of the mystery meat. Most said the meat tasted like “a cross between beef and chicken” with just a touch of ostrich in there. The tail meat became the most popular.
Bostaurusauri saved Anna Creek Station, and demand for them exploded. In response, the ANU licensed the technology to Futurecow Industries, Inc., a division of Moonsanto
here in the US. As of April 1st, 2016, Futurecow will be selling weaned Bostaurusaurus calves to interested ranchers. These new-fangled cattle are expensive, so initially only wealthy ranchers will be able to afford them, but experts predict they may soon replace what we currently think of as cattle.
Futurecow is currently working hard to squelch some ugly rumors that are going around about how dangerous Bostaurusauri are. Futurecow has assured this reporter that the Bostaurusauri do not leap over 12’ high fencing with ease using their huge rear legs, never use their razor-sharp rear claws to disembowel people, there is no video evidence that one lash of a whip from their massive tails can instantly snap fence wires or that they are completely bullet proof. Said a source at Futurecow, “There is no down-side to the Bostaurusaurus. And we fully deny any rumors that we are having trouble with roundups of those few strays who have wandered off from Futurecow experimental pastures. Our cows come home every night to us! Whenever science innovates there will always be nay-sayers who resist progress.”
Futurecow is certain that the forward-seeing ranchers in the US Southwest will see beyond fear tactics and fully embrace the new Bostaurusaurus without hesitation and with lots of strong ropes.