› Corn mazes are just redneck escape rooms. ›
If you’re rich and drink alcohol in the middle of the day, you’re successful. If you’re poor and drink alcohol in the middle of the day, you’re an alcoholic.
› When we’re young, we sneak out of the house to go to parties. When we’re old, we sneak out of parties to go home.
› Seventy percent of the Earth is covered in water, but in movies spaceships always crash on land.
› A date is like a twoway interview where both people are trying to get hired while evaluating whether to hire the other person or not.
› Everyone assumes you’re busy when they see you watching a movie, but don’t hesitate to interrupt when you’re reading a book.
› Sears started out as a mail- order catalog that would deliver packages right to your door. It was driven to bankruptcy by an internet site that delivers packages right to your door.
› The creator of Photoshop could’ve had a lot of fun if he did not tell anyone.
› When you drop a Lego model, it’s not technically broken. It’s just been returned to factory settings.
› Feeling awkward sitting by and idly watching when other people do work is a good sign that someone was raised right.
› Harry Potter is way too emotionally stable for a kid raised by a family who hates him.
› If Achilles was a child today, a razor scooter would be the most likely cause of death.
› If you were to play Mario games backward, it is the story of a plumber leaving his wife and his life progressively getting easier.
› If you’re a young adult, the person who is going to pronounce you dead probably isn’t even born yet.
› It’s unlikely that the CEO of Kia drives a Kia.
› No feeling will relieve you more than your nose unblocking after a week of a cold.
› The first person to make ice cream probably ate all the ice cream in the world (at the time).
› Whenever a dating app works well, it loses two users.