Shower thoughts

Chattanooga Times Free Press - ChattanoogaNow - - PUNCHLINES - Laugh Lines is com­piled from var­i­ous sources, in­clud­ing reader sub­mis­sions and web­sites. Ori­gins are in­cluded when known.

› Corn mazes are just red­neck es­cape rooms. ›

If you’re rich and drink al­co­hol in the mid­dle of the day, you’re suc­cess­ful. If you’re poor and drink al­co­hol in the mid­dle of the day, you’re an al­co­holic.

› When we’re young, we sneak out of the house to go to par­ties. When we’re old, we sneak out of par­ties to go home.

› Sev­enty per­cent of the Earth is cov­ered in wa­ter, but in movies space­ships al­ways crash on land.

› A date is like a twoway in­ter­view where both peo­ple are try­ing to get hired while eval­u­at­ing whether to hire the other per­son or not.

› Ev­ery­one as­sumes you’re busy when they see you watch­ing a movie, but don’t hes­i­tate to in­ter­rupt when you’re read­ing a book.

› Sears started out as a mail- or­der cat­a­log that would de­liver pack­ages right to your door. It was driven to bank­ruptcy by an in­ter­net site that de­liv­ers pack­ages right to your door.

› The cre­ator of Pho­to­shop could’ve had a lot of fun if he did not tell any­one.

› When you drop a Lego model, it’s not tech­ni­cally bro­ken. It’s just been re­turned to fac­tory set­tings.

› Feel­ing awk­ward sit­ting by and idly watch­ing when other peo­ple do work is a good sign that some­one was raised right.

› Harry Pot­ter is way too emo­tion­ally sta­ble for a kid raised by a fam­ily who hates him.

› If Achilles was a child to­day, a ra­zor scooter would be the most likely cause of death.

› If you were to play Mario games back­ward, it is the story of a plumber leav­ing his wife and his life pro­gres­sively get­ting eas­ier.

› If you’re a young adult, the per­son who is go­ing to pro­nounce you dead prob­a­bly isn’t even born yet.

› It’s un­likely that the CEO of Kia drives a Kia.

› No feel­ing will relieve you more than your nose un­block­ing af­ter a week of a cold.

› The first per­son to make ice cream prob­a­bly ate all the ice cream in the world (at the time).

› When­ever a dat­ing app works well, it loses two users.

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