If dad is around, just show up, hang out
COMMENTARY
Not everyone has a father, and those of us who have had good ones know that it is a special relationship. The man who protected and provided for you is someone who deserves to be honored and loved.
I learned a lot from my dad. I grew up in a different time, and my dad took his responsibility as the family breadwinner very seriously. We had family outings, went to amusement parks and ball games. My dad was kind of a big kid himself, so he loved having everyone together (even when my sister and I were trying to create chaos), and Father’s Day was never ignored.
Poppy went through some financial challenges, and there were some years where there was not much to go around, but we found a way to celebrate and to enjoy what we did have. One year, we spent the day at the community pool and another time at the beach. We would also go to the putting greens at
the driving range rather than play miniature golf, because Dad liked it better and he was also able to save a few bucks. I do not remember ever going to bed without dinner — he made sure we were taken care of, no matter what. Now that’s being a father. Having lived through this transition with him, it gave me a healthy respect for what it takes to feed a family and help them stay well.
When I was 13, Dad lost his business and had to start working for an advertising company. When he should have been enjoying his retirement, he continued to hit the bricks every day to take care of his family. It wasn’t until he got cancer that he finally decided to stop the daily grind.
My parents moved to Las Vegas and tried to enjoy the remaining years of their lives. They liked the city and were doers, not sitters, so they found penny card games and cheap buffets. When I visited, it was like their life never stopped. Yes, a couple of Father’s Days were spent at an offthe-strip casino with a buffet. It didn’t matter what we did — I just liked seeing him happy.
As he slowed down from the disease, we would just spend time together. I’d fly to Vegas and spend the weekend with him. In the beginning, we’d go out for a little action, but quite soon our days were spent by his bedside, holding his hand as we just talked about whatever came into his head. The last few weeks were pretty quiet, but he knew I was there, and that’s all that really mattered.
It’s fun to know we both wrote for the Chicago Tribune, that he took me to many of my firsts in life. My dad was a nice guy and did everything he could for his wife and family. I’m not so sure we always deserved his unwavering kindness, but it was always there. And we all loved him for it.
So if your dad is around, just show up and hang out. Could be the best time you’ve had. And Happy Father’s Day, Poppy. Hope you’re playing a winning hand.
Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, Calif., is the author of “The Happy Couple: How To Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time.” Follow him on Twitter at BartonGoldsmith.