We want a baby, but par­ents protest

Chicago Sun-Times - - ENTERTAINMENT - DEAR ABBY Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at dearabby. com or P. O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

Dear Abby: I have been mar­ried for al­most five years, and my hus­band and I re­cently de­cided to try to have a baby. I am re­ally ex­cited about the pos­si­bil­ity of be­ing a mom.

My prob­lem is, my par­ents and his par­ents don’t want to be grand­par­ents. I will be 30 this year, and they keep telling me I should wait un­til I’m 40 to have kids. I have en­dometrio­sis, and I know if I wait too long it will be even harder to get preg­nant.

On top of all the pres­sure our fam­i­lies are putting me un­der, I just found out my sis­ter has been mar­ried al­most a year and hasn’t told any­one.

I don’t want to dis­ap­point our fam­i­lies or force some­thing on them they are not ready for. I’m not sure what to do now. I want my hus­band and me to be happy. Any ad­vice would be ap­pre­ci­ated.

Stressed Out in Ohio Dear Stressed: I know you want to be a good daugh­ter, but you are al­low­ing your par­ents ( and in- laws) to weigh in on a de­ci­sion that should be yours and your hus­band’s alone. Your rea­son for not want­ing to post­pone moth­er­hood makes sense.

Un­der­stand that not ev­ery­one wants to be a grand­par­ent, and be glad you’re find­ing out up­front that the par­ents will not be babysit­ting. Many dis­ap­pointed read­ers have writ­ten me af­ter the fact to ex­press their dis­may when they re­al­ized it.

Take from this the les­son that you must live your own life. And, by the way, so should your sis­ter. If there are con­se­quences from her elope­ment, she should ex­pe­ri­ence them. But un­der no cir­cum­stances should you al­low your­self to be dragged into her drama.

Dear Abby: I have a won­der­ful hus­band I love deeply and can’t imag­ine my life with­out. We have a beau­ti­ful mar­riage. We never fight or re­ally even ar­gue.

We have been to­gether for 11 years and only dur­ing the last cou­ple of years has he started do­ing some­thing that trou­bles me. In the af­ter­noon or evening, if I need to go to the store — or any­where for that mat­ter — he gets up­set and gives me the silent treat­ment and doesn’t want me to go.

I trust him and let him do what­ever he wants. I have never given him a rea­son to not trust me, so why does it make him so an­gry if I need to run to the store?

I feel I de­serve the same re­spect and trust that I show him. How do I make him see how much it hurts me for him to act like this?

Feel­ing Mis­trusted in the South Dear Feel­ing Mis­trusted: What you are de­scrib­ing is a red flag that if ig­nored could ruin your beau­ti­ful mar­riage. Your hus­band’s in­se­cu­rity and need to con­trol you may stem from the fact that he has been hid­ing some­thing from you.

Tell him that you love him, but for the sake of your mar­riage, the two of you should go to cou­ples coun­sel­ing. For an ex­cel­lent guide to be­com­ing a bet­ter con­ver­sa­tion­al­ist and a more so­cia­ble per­son, or­der “How to Be Pop­u­lar.” Send your name and mail­ing ad­dress, plus check or money or­der for $ 7 ( U. S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Pop­u­lar­ity Book­let, P. O. Box 447, Mount Mor­ris, IL 61054- 0447. ( Ship­ping and han­dling are in­cluded in the price.)

I will be 30 this year, and they keep telling me I should wait un­til I’m 40 to have kids.

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