Chicago Sun-Times

Puerto Rico players need civics lesson

- NORMAN CHAD

Puerto Rico, the world’s oldest colony, passed a referendum Sunday on U. S. statehood. This means that, subject to approval by Congress, Puerto Rico would become the 51st state.

Couch Slouch is fine with that. We’re due for new blood.

But Couch Slouch is not fine with this: Puerto Rican players at the World Baseball Classic told the Los Angeles Times they hope to continue to represent the island in the WBC even if it becomes the 51st state. Huh? At the moment, Puerto Rico is a territory of the United States but competes as its own country in internatio­nal sporting events, such as the Olympics, the World Cup and the WBC. The United States has been in possession of Puerto Rico since the end of the SpanishAme­rican War in 1898.

But if Puerto Rico sheds its territoria­l status and becomes the 51st state, how is it possible it still could compete under its own flag as a separate entity?

‘‘ That’s the debate that’s been going on,’’ Puerto Rico native and Dodgers utility player Enrique Hernandez said at the WBC. ‘‘ Do we still get national teams? We’re part of the United States, but we don’t necessaril­y feel like we’re Americans.’’ Wow. Where do we start here? ‘‘ We’re part of the United States, but we don’t necessaril­y feel like we’re Americans.’’

Join the club, pal. There’s a line stretching around Walmart of people with this sentiment. ‘‘ Do we still get national teams?’’ Uh, no. And don’t give Texas any ideas.

Hernandez apparently wants to have his carnitas and eat them, too.

Repeat: ‘‘ Do we still get national teams?’’

Really? That’s like a guy getting married and still expecting to date other women.

Besides, the U. S. national team really could use players such as Yadier Molina, Francisco Lindor and Carlos Correa.

By the way — and I hate to go off on a tangent, but I will — why doesn’t Washington get to field a team in the WBC? It’s essentiall­y a territory like Puerto Rico. Oh, you think not? Like Puerto Ricans, Washington­ians are citizens of the United States and have no voting representa­tion in Congress.

That’s right, nearly 700,000 U. S. citizens living in the shadow of the U. S. Capitol have no vote in the House of Representa­tives or the Senate. And it has been that way since 1791! How can it be?

D. C. also was without a Major League Baseball team for 33 years, and some people made a bigger deal out of that. After all, how could the national pastime not be in the nation’s capital?

While I am somewhat sympatheti­c to that sensibilit­y, it pales to this sensibilit­y: How could residents in the nation’s capital not have voting rights in the national legislatur­e?

Incidental­ly, I hate to do President Trump’s bidding, but in terms of this Puerto Rico situation, I think there’s a deal to be made here. POTUS doesn’t like California, and California doesn’t like POTUS. There even has been talk in California of secession. Well, if Puerto Rico wants in and California wants out, sounds like a straight trade to me. We would stay at 50 states and — this should make the current White House happy — greatly reduce the U. S. Hispanic population!

Anyway, I hope Congress says yes to statehood.

( Heck, it has been 58 years since Alaska and Hawaii joined the union. Frankly, I’m tired of CBS rebooting ‘‘ Hawaii Five- 0.’’ Let’s go with ‘‘ Puerto Rico Five- 1’’ on Sunday nights!)

But you’ve got to be fully committed, Puerto Rico. You must pledge your allegiance to the American flag, you must play for U. S. national teams and you must eat at Chick- fil- A six days a week.

Ask The Slouch

Q. Given your well- known antipathy toward corrupt sports organizati­ons — the NFL, NCAA and IOC come to mind — isn’t it inevitable you eventually will give up sports/ gambling and become a monk? ( Donald Clegg, Spokane, Washington)

A. The best thing about becoming a monk is that you can use daily meditation time to work on your fantasy lineup.

Q. You seemed to know that the Warriors would eviscerate the Cavaliers. Are you happy that you’re right about something every five years or so? ( Jon Lipman, Denver)

A. Uh, this was the second time I was right in 2017, sir. I also predicted that ‘‘ Hamilton’’ would sell out in Los Angeles months before it even opens.

Q. If the 6 p. m. ‘‘ SportsCent­er’’ is really ‘‘ the best 60 minutes of your day’’ — as hosts Michael Smith and Jemele Hill claim — what does that say about the day you’ve had? ( Dan Cantwell, Albany, New York)

A. Tragically, the best 60 minutes of my day generally comes in the form of the last hour I am asleep in the afternoon.

Q. If Yogi Berra and Casey Stengel managed mound conference­s adequately, why are the Yankees using translator­s now? ( Tom Martella, Washington) A. Pay the man, Shirley. You, too, can enter the $ 1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email asktheslou­ch@ aol. com. If your question is used, you win $ 1.25 in cash.

 ??  ?? Dodgers utility player Enrique Hernandez apparently isn’t clear about what statehood would mean for Puerto Rico. | GETTY IMAGES
Dodgers utility player Enrique Hernandez apparently isn’t clear about what statehood would mean for Puerto Rico. | GETTY IMAGES
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