The burial plot new girl­friend wants is al­ready oc­cu­pied

Chicago Sun-Times - - ENTERTAINMENT - Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P. O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

Dear Abby: My brother- in- law “Charles” has earned the priv­i­lege of be­ing buried in a mil­i­tary ceme­tery. He lost his wife, “Claire,” to can­cer 10 years ago; she is buried in their plot in the mil­i­tary ceme­tery with a head­stone. Their chil­dren are all adults now.

Charles has been se­ri­ously dat­ing a di­vorcee, “Joyce,” and they are talk­ing about mar­riage. Joyce feels that for him to be com­mit­ted to her in mar­riage, they should have a plot to­gether.

It’s our un­der­stand­ing that only one wife is al­lowed to be buried in the mil­i­tary ceme­tery. This would mean Claire would have to be ex­humed and trans­ferred to an­other one.

I’m not sure how close Joyce is to her fam­ily, but she does have grown chil­dren. I sug­gested they get an out­side opin­ion and a prenup­tial agree­ment be­fore they get mar­ried, which both would be agree­able to. What have oth­ers done in sim­i­lar sit­u­a­tions?

Con­cerned in New Hamp­shire

Dear Con­cerned: There are dif­fer­ent types of mil­i­tary ceme­ter­ies in this coun­try, 135 of which are main­tained by the De­part­ment of Veter­ans Af­fairs Na­tional Ceme­tery Ad­min­is­tra­tion. ( None of them are lo­cated in your state.) How­ever, there are many state and pri­vate mil­i­tary ceme­ter­ies na­tion­wide, and their rules may dif­fer from those of the na­tional.

Be­cause you didn’t men­tion which cat­e­gory your brother- in- law’s ceme­tery falls un­der, the best advice I can of­fer is to con­tact it and find out what its rules are in cir­cum­stances like this.

Dear Abby: I tend to be a peo­ple pleaser. So when my wife wanted to buy a home for us to raise a fam­ily in, I went along with her plan to move to her home­town. I wanted her to be happy, and I was ex­cited about the home- pur­chas­ing process.

It’s al­most two years later, and I re­gret it. I’m not happy here.

I miss my home­town where all my friends and fam­ily live. It’s a beach town, a throw­back to a time when ev­ery­one knew ev­ery­one and you could walk or bike- ride any­where. Peo­ple don’t lock their doors, and homes are in­su­lated from the streets and traf­fic, so kids can play freely out­side.

To me, it’s the per­fect town. But there

ONE WIFE IS AL­LOWED TO BE BURIED IN THE MIL­I­TARY CEME­TERY. THIS WOULD MEAN CLAIRE WOULD HAVE TO BE EX­HUMED AND TRANS­FERRED TO AN­OTHER ONE.

is no con­vinc­ing my wife to try giv­ing my home­town a shot as our full- time res­i­dence.

De­spite know­ing we will never be able to own a sum­mer house there, that’s the “dream” my wife sells to me. I re­sent her be­cause she got what she wants, and I just have to deal with it. Should I just ac­cept my fate?

Re­sent­ful in New York

Dear Re­sent­ful: I am sorry you are un­happy with the de­ci­sion you made. Your wife may have wanted to move to her home­town be­cause she felt her rel­a­tives could help out with your chil­dren, which is a plus.

How­ever, un­less you find the strength to as­sert your­self, “ac­cept­ing your fate” is ex­actly what you may have to do.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and get­ting along with peers and par­ents is in “What Ev­ery Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mail­ing ad­dress, plus check or money or­der for $ 7 ( U. S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Teen Book­let, P. O. Box 447, Mount Mor­ris, IL 61054- 0447. ( Ship­ping and han­dling are in­cluded in the price.)

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