I’m wor­ried about my over­worked and over­weight hus­band

Chicago Sun-Times - - ENTERTAINM­ENT -

Dear Abby: I have a won­der­ful hus­band of al­most 20 years and two teenage chil­dren. My hus­band is in­cred­i­bly hard­work­ing in his stress­ful ca­reer and has pro­vided a very com­fort­able life for us. The trou­ble is, he puts work ahead of any self-care. He works most wak­ing hours, doesn’t eat well, ex­er­cises rarely, is over­weight — the list goes on. When I ask/en­cour­age/nag him to make pos­i­tive life­style choices, he re­minds me of the life in­sur­ance he has and turns it around on me and says I am stress­ing him.

Abby, I love my hus­band, and I worry that this will cut his life and our life to­gether short. Can you help? Be­side My­self with Worry

Dear Be­side Your­self: I wish I could wave a magic wand and make your hus­band re­cep­tive to what you are try­ing to do for him. But un­til he’s ready to ad­dress these is­sues and do some­thing about them, noth­ing will change.

If he en­joys his ca­reer and takes pride in the fact that you and your chil­dren are — and will be — pro­vided for, then he’s liv­ing the life he has cho­sen for him­self. This does not mean you must give up en­tirely sug­gest­ing healthy life­style choices, but per­haps do it a lit­tle less of­ten and in terms of ac­tiv­i­ties he might en­joy.

Dear Abby: Af­ter a long and suc­cess­ful life, my un­cle re­cently passed away. His wife is my mother’s sis­ter. Dur­ing one of our phone calls, she told me she and my cousins had writ­ten his obit­u­ary and that it would be pub­lished soon. To my shock and dis­may, I lo­cated the obit­u­ary and dis­cov­ered that my sis­ter and I were not mentioned as his niece and nephew. I am still ter­ri­bly hurt. Why would they do this?

My sis­ter and I grew up spend­ing every ma­jor hol­i­day and birth­day with my un­cle. The obit­u­ary did in­clude his other niece and nephew who live on the op­po­site side of the coun­try and kept in touch only with an oc­ca­sional phone call and hol­i­day card. I in­cluded my cousins in obit­u­ar­ies for my par­ents and sis­ter, all of whom have passed in the last few years.

I feel that I must ad­dress this with them, but I don’t want to add to the pain they are go­ing through while they mourn their loss. I now dread at­tend­ing the me­mo­rial be­cause I’m wor­ried friends of our fam­ily may bring it up, and I won’t know what to say. Hurt Nephew in Illinois HE PUTS WORK AHEAD OF ANY SELF-CARE. HE WORKS MOST WAK­ING HOURS, DOESN’T EAT WELL, EX­ER­CISES RARELY, IS OVER­WEIGHT — THE LIST GOES ON.

Dear Nephew: Even when a death is ex­pected, many peo­ple go into a state of shock, which in­ter­feres with their abil­ity to se­quence facts. It is en­tirely pos­si­ble that the obit­u­ary was writ­ten when your aunt and cousins weren’t think­ing straight, which is why you were omit­ted. If some­one brings it up at the me­mo­rial — which I doubt will hap­pen — rather than nurse hurt feel­ings, I hope you will point out that the fam­ily, in­clud­ing you, is griev­ing. Pe­riod.

Dear Abby: How do you po­litely ask a neigh­bor to mow his lawn at rea­son­able times of the day? Mine seems to be do­ing it three days a week and al­ways when we want to en­joy our back­yard. Try­ing to Re­lax

Dear Try­ing: If you are on speak­ing terms with this neigh­bor, ex­plain that the noise from his lawn­mower in­ter­feres with your abil­ity to en­joy your back­yard and ask PO­LITELY if he could sched­ule it at an­other hour of the day. If he is a good neigh­bor, he should be will­ing to ac­com­mo­date you. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

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