Peo­ple think my friend and I date, and we don’t, but we should

Chicago Sun-Times - - ENTERTAINM­ENT - DEAR ABBY AD­VICE

Dear Abby: My long­time friend “Bon­nie” and I have been re­con­nect­ing dur­ing COVID, mostly via text and video chat­ting. She’s re­cently moved back to my area (she’s in the mil­i­tary), so we spent a week­end to­gether help­ing her move in. It was ex­haust­ing and stress­ful, and her drink­ing con­cerned me. I know drink­ing is preva­lent in the mil­i­tary, and as a rel­a­tively high-rank­ing of­fi­cer, she’s un­der a lot of pres­sure all the time. I’m more aware of it be­cause my sis­ter is a re­cov­er­ing ad­dict.

I’m a queer lady. Bon­nie is gay, and over the last cou­ple months I’ve been nurs­ing a crush on her. She’s very sup­port­ive of my art­work, and over the years has been the one do­ing the work to keep our friend­ship alive de­spite our lives go­ing in dif­fer­ent di­rec­tions.

I told her I had a crush on her dur­ing the stress­ful mov­ing week­end and asked her to please not tell me about all the girls she texts. She re­sponded that she does not re­turn those feel­ings for me. But we talk on the phone for hours at night, and she calls me “Baby” some­times. She also tells me I’m sex­u­ally mag­netic. Our lives are in­ter­twined enough that both our par­ents think we’re dat­ing, and Bon­nie fre­quently says things like, “My neigh­bor thinks we’re dat­ing.”

How do I keep both our friend­ship and my san­ity? Crush­ing in Penn­syl­va­nia

Dear Crush­ing: Re­gard­less of what others might think, you and Bon­nie are NOT dat­ing, and she has told you plainly that she’s not phys­i­cally at­tracted to you. She was hon­est with you, I’ll give her marks for that. Whether she’s be­ing com­pletely hon­est with her­self, how­ever, is any­one’s guess.

My ad­vice is to stop al­low­ing her to mo­nop­o­lize as much of your time as she has been. It isn’t good for you be­cause it keeps you from look­ing for a com­pan­ion who can re­cip­ro­cate your feel­ings. If you con­tinue as things are, you will only sub­ject your­self to more of the con­fu­sion you are feeling now.

Dear Abby: My wife of 46 years keeps telling me about her de­prived child­hood. Every­body else had a color TV; the one she grew up with was a black-and-white. Granny didn’t have a dryer; she had to use a clothes­line. They didn’t have a car, and when they fi­nally got one, it was a used car. Fi­nally, they had a new car, but it was stolen two weeks later.

All the other girls had bal­let lessons; all the other girls were in Brown­ies. When Granny fi­nally signed her up, it was too late. My wife had to get a used Brownie uni­form that didn’t fit, and they put her in a troop with Girl Scouts much older. She al­ways wanted a swing-set, but never got one.

Is there coun­sel­ing and group ther­apy for this self-pity con­di­tion? I’m laugh­ing to my­self and my tears are get­ting into my beer. Had It Rough, Too

Dear Had It: I would like to think your wife has it a lot bet­ter now, but to be mar­ried to some­one as in­sen­si­tive as you ap­pear to be can hardly be an up­per. Go pour your­self an­other pil­sner be­fore your tears di­lute this one and bring you down fur­ther, Laugh­ing Boy.

Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and get­ting along with peers and par­ents is in “What Ev­ery Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mail­ing ad­dress, plus check or money or­der for $8, to: Dear Abby, Teen Book­let, P.O. Box 447, Mount Mor­ris, IL 61054-0447. (Ship­ping and han­dling are in­cluded in the price.)

I TOLD HER I HAD A CRUSH ON HER. SHE RE­SPONDED THAT SHE DOES NOT RE­TURN THOSE FEEL­INGS FOR ME. BUT WE TALK ON THE PHONE FOR HOURS AT NIGHT, AND SHE CALLS ME “BABY” SOME­TIMES. SHE ALSO TELLS ME I’M SEX­U­ALLY MAG­NETIC.

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