My son-in-law has seizures, en­dan­gers my fam­ily by driv­ing

Chicago Sun-Times - - ENTERTAINM­ENT - DEAR ABBY AD­VICE Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

Dear Abby: My son-in-law was di­ag­nosed with epilepsy 25 years ago. He typ­i­cally has two or three seizures a year. He has seen a neu­rol­o­gist on and off over the years, but he has not been to the doc­tor for his med­i­ca­tions in sev­eral years. He works in the med­i­cal field and gets his meds from the doc­tors he works with.

He re­cently had a seizure af­ter drop­ping one of his chil­dren off at an ap­point­ment. For­tu­nately, the child wasn’t in the car when he wrecked it. My ques­tion is, how in­volved should I be? Should I con­front him? Un­for­tu­nately, my grand­child reached out to her dad’s mother. Her an­swer was she would pay for spine align­ments for him. Did I men­tion he re­fuses to stop driv­ing?

I’m ex­tremely con­cerned about the well-be­ing of my daugh­ter and four grand­chil­dren and the lives of oth­ers on the roads who could be in­jured or killed as a re­sult of his ac­tions. Do I have a right to be in­volved? My friends and other fam­ily mem­bers tell me there is noth­ing I can do. Fright­ened in the South

Dear Fright­ened: Your son-in-law should not be tak­ing med­i­ca­tions for his epilepsy from doc­tors who are not in­ti­mately in­volved with his care. If the ac­ci­dent didn’t serve as a wakeup call to talk to his doc­tor, it should have.

Con­sider con­tact­ing your auto in­surance com­pany and ask­ing what can be done about an epilep­tic mo­torist who is prone to seizures sev­eral times a year while still driv­ing. If you can’t find guid­ance there, the state po­lice where your son-in-law lives might be in­ter­ested in what you have to say.

Your daugh­ter and her fam­ily have been lucky so far not to have been se­ri­ously in­jured, but they may not al­ways be. The only thing you should NOT do is stay silent.

Dear Abby: Over the last sev­eral years I have learned the value of coun­sel­ing, which helped me deal with years of un­di­ag­nosed de­pres­sion. I over­came my pre­con­ceived no­tions about ther­apy, and I’m hap­pier now than I have ever been be­cause I was able to let go of tons of bur­dens I car­ried from my past. It has been a won­der­ful and lifechang­ing ex­pe­ri­ence.

One of my rel­a­tives has men­tioned sev­eral times that she has a very strained re­la­tion­ship with her mom. I can’t think of a nicer fam­ily, so I have never un­der­stood what could have caused this rift.

On Mother’s Day, I saw sev­eral so­cial me­dia posts from peo­ple cel­e­brat­ing their moth­ers, ex­press­ing how much they love them and how much they ap­pre­ci­ate all their moth­ers have done for them. My rel­a­tive posted some­thing along the lines of, “My goal in life is to be a bet­ter mother than mine was” and some other things that demon­strated her dis­dain for her mother.

When I saw the post, my heart ached for her mom, but my heart ached for my rel­a­tive even more. It seems she car­ries so much hurt in her heart, and I won­der if she could ben­e­fit from ther­apy as I have, but I don’t know how to sug­gest it. I am afraid of hurt­ing her feel­ings or get­ting her up­set with me. How should I ap­proach this? Help­ing Out in Idaho

Dear Help­ing: Ap­proach it by telling your rel­a­tive you saw her post and were struck by the pain she must be feel­ing to have put some­thing like that on­line for all the world to see. Ex­plain about the bag­gage that ther­apy helped you to over­come in your own life and what a dif­fer­ence it has made for you. Then of­fer her your ther­a­pist’s phone num­ber.

HE RE­CENTLY HAD A SEIZURE AF­TER DROP­PING ONE OF HIS CHIL­DREN OFF AT AN AP­POINT­MENT. FOR­TU­NATELY, THE CHILD WASN’T IN THE CAR WHEN HE WRECKED IT. HOW IN­VOLVED SHOULD I BE? SHOULD I CON­FRONT HIM?

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