I’d rather skip hus­band’s fam­ily events than see his nasty brother

Chicago Sun-Times - - ENTERTAINM­ENT - Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at dear­abby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

Dear Abby: I mar­ried “Dar­ius” two years ago. I have had prob­lems with my brother-in-law ever since Dar­ius and I first be­gan dat­ing five years ago.

From my hus­band’s per­spec­tive, his par­ents have al­ways fa­vored his younger brother, “Ado­nis.” “Any­thing goes” is their at­ti­tude where he is con­cerned. Ado­nis takes things with­out ask­ing, lies and con­stantly makes dis­re­spect­ful com­ments to­ward us. He was never rep­ri­manded as a child, and now that he’s an adult (24), the snip­ing con­tin­ues.

A few months ago, he showed up unan­nounced at my home and in­sulted a guest who was vis­it­ing at the time. (She also doesn’t care for him.) I asked him to leave to avoid mak­ing waves with her.

I think Ado­nis owes me an apol­ogy, but he re­fuses to give me a sin­cere one. My fa­ther-in-law thinks I should just “get over it” and says I am be­ing ridicu­lous be­cause I no longer want to at­tend fam­ily events if Ado­nis is present. Mostly the rea­son is I no longer want to tol­er­ate his be­hav­ior while he’s drink­ing and mak­ing con­stant “jokes” about me.

I feel bad for my hus­band be­cause we have missed out on see­ing fam­ily mem­bers and en­joy­ing our­selves at events be­cause I don’t want to cre­ate a scene. Dar­ius sup­ports the way I feel but says he can’t de­mand an apol­ogy from his brother. I feel if I back down now, Ado­nis’ be­hav­ior will con­tinue for the rest of my life. I don’t think I should be treated this way. How should I re­solve this is­sue? Fam­ily Prob­lem in New Jersey

Dear Fam­ily Prob­lem: I’m glad you wrote. Ado­nis is get­ting away with this be­cause your in-laws are en­abling it. Your hus­band should straighten his spine and in­form his “lit­tle” brother he drinks too much, and he wants the snip­ing stopped. Your fa­therin-law is a mile off base. It isn’t ridicu­lous to want to avoid ver­bal abuse from a drunk, and he, too, should have a talk with Ado­nis. Un­til that hap­pens, you are right to keep your dis­tance. No­body likes pain, and your brother-in-law ap­pears un­will­ing to stop be­ing a large one in a south­ern por­tion of your anatomy.

Dear Abby: I am a 32-year-old woman, en­gaged to a won­der­ful man. We were sup­posed to start try­ing to get preg­nant, but be­cause of the virus, we de­cided to put it off. I know we are mak­ing the right choice.

I had al­ready started a jour­nal/plan­ner and was so ex­cited. But now I feel my­self slip­ping into de­pres­sion. We are both lucky enough to still be work­ing, so I’m not just sit­ting around dwelling on it. But when I can­celed my pre­na­tal vi­ta­min sub­scrip­tion the other day, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I know we are lucky to not have big­ger woes than this right now, but I’m heart­bro­ken. Any ad­vice would be ap­pre­ci­ated. Hold­ing Off On Moth­er­hood

Dear Hold­ing Off: I am sorry for your heartache. I know this is painful. It’s im­por­tant that you not hold these sad feel­ings in­side. Talk with your fi­ance about them and share with close friends and fam­ily. Pour your feel­ings into the jour­nal you started.

Your road to moth­er­hood may be longer than you ini­tially thought, but it’s going to be an in­ter­est­ing jour­ney. I hope you will take com­fort in the knowl­edge that post­pon­ing your preg­nancy was a de­ci­sion you and your fi­ance made for the right rea­sons and didn’t take lightly.


Abby shares more than 100 of her fa­vorite recipes in two book­lets: “Abby’s Fa­vorite Recipes” and “More Fa­vorite Recipes by Dear Abby.” Send your name and mail­ing ad­dress, plus check or money order for $16, to: Dear Abby, Cook­book­let Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Mor­ris, IL 61054-0447.

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