Wife says af­fair is over, but phone shows her tex­ting Other Guy

Chicago Sun-Times - - ENTERTAINM­ENT -

Dear Abby: I found out a year ago that my wife of eight years had an af­fair for three years with my best friend. Two months ago, I re­al­ized she is still con­tact­ing him. I found out be­cause I went through her cell records. She said she was just tex­ting him about how he ru­ined our life. Now I have no ac­cess to them, and I sus­pect she’s us­ing a text app so I won’t know. She keeps her phone with her all the time.

I can’t live like this, and I don’t know what to do. I al­ways let her do what she wanted and never had a con­cern be­fore this. I was al­ways laid-back, but now I can’t stop think­ing she is up to no good. How do I ap­proach this with her? We have been to coun­sel­ing. Ev­ery time I bring up her af­fair, she says our mar­riage will never work be­cause of trust is­sues, and I agree. Please help.

Out of Chances in Florida

Dear Out: Your wife and best friend be­trayed you, so your trust is­sues are well­founded. If she would like to stay mar­ried to you, she should not be hid­ing her cell­phone and texts from you. If she’s un­will­ing to co­op­er­ate, then what she said is 100% cor­rect — your mar­riage WILL never work, and your next step should be to talk to an at­tor­ney.

Dear Abby: I had a baby a year ago. I’m 46, and my son’s fa­ther just turned 50. We are look­ing to buy a house, but I am con­flicted. We are not mar­ried, and it will be my money that we use for the down pay­ment. I have ex­pressed that I would like to be mar­ried be­fore we buy the house, but noth­ing has hap­pened. I have brought the sub­ject up sev­eral times, but I now feel re­ally ner­vous about his not fol­low­ing through. How should I pro­ceed from here?

Down Pay­ment Dilemma in New York

Dear D.P.D.: That the fa­ther of your baby keeps “for­get­ting” to ad­dress the fact that you want to be mar­ried is a red flag. It ap­pears he is un­will­ing to make that com­mit­ment. Be­fore mov­ing for­ward with buy­ing prop­erty with some­one who is re­luc­tant to make a com­mit­ment, it is ex­tremely im­por­tant that you dis­cuss this with a lawyer. An at­tor­ney can help to en­sure your fi­nan­cial in­ter­ests will be pro­tected. Un­til you have done that, keep your check­book firmly CLOSED.

Dear Abby: I am about to be mar­ried to a won­der­ful man who has three teenagers from a pre­vi­ous mar­riage. His boys are 18 and 16, and his daugh­ter is also 16. They have TER­RI­BLE ta­ble man­ners, which seem to be en­cour­aged by their grand­fa­ther. My fi­ance has spo­ken to his dad re­gard­ing the un­ac­cept­able be­hav­ior, yet it con­tin­ues.

When my fi­ance tries to en­force com­mon ta­ble eti­quette, the chil­dren ask why the change. Ta­ble man­ners were not part of their up­bring­ing, and they don’t see the im­por­tance. How do I — or should I — at­tempt to undo 18 years of poor habits?

Em­bar­rassed at the Ta­ble

Dear Em­bar­rassed: Ta­ble man­ners ARE im­por­tant. They re­veal a lot about some­one’s up­bring­ing or lack of it. Not know­ing the ba­sics can neg­a­tively af­fect not only a per­son’s so­cial life, but also his or her ca­reer. You would be do­ing those young peo­ple a huge fa­vor if you speak up and sup­port your fi­ance in this.

Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

I FOUND OUT BE­CAUSE I WENT THROUGH HER CELL RECORDS. SHE SAID SHE WAS JUST TEX­TING HIM ABOUT HOW HE RU­INED OUR LIFE. NOW I HAVE NO AC­CESS TO THEM.

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