Squir­rels, beer and frost­bite in aisle 2

Connecticut Post (Sunday) - - Film - Jim Shea is a life­long Con­necti­cut res­i­dent and jour­nal­ist. jim­boshea@ gmail. com; Twit­ter: @ jim­boshea.

It’s healthy to vent once in a while be­fore things build up to a point where you find your­self ar­gu­ing with robo call­ers or head butting a snotty ATM. And just to set the record straight here, I have never ar­gued with a robo caller. So, please bear with me as I get a few things off my chest.

Cli­mate change, please

Granted, it is nec­es­sary to keep the tem­per­a­ture low in the su­per­mar­ket pro­duce depart­ment, but not to the point that one has to dress for Jan­uary at Killing­ton sim­ply to buy a head of let­tuce in July. Ven­tur­ing into the pro­duce sec­tion is to risk hy­pother­mia, frost­bite, shrink­age. And you won­der why men don’t like to go to the store.

Po­lit­i­cal ads

Be­cause Con­necti­cut is not usu­ally a “bat­tle­ground state” we are spared from the on­slaught of po­lit­i­cal ads dur­ing pres­i­den­tial elec­tion years. I’ve never seen any re- search on this but I’m pretty sure this adds years to our lives. Un­for­tu­nately, we can­not es­cape po­lit­i­cal ads in years we vote for gover­nor, which I am also pretty sure, sub­tracts years from our lives.

One thing of which I am 100 per­cent sure, how­ever, is that in the his­tory of po­lit­i­cal ads there has never been a case of one be­ing en­tirely truth­ful. Nasty and mean, you bet, but ac­cu­rate, nah. Although their con­tent is sus­pect, po­lit­i­cal ads play al­most as im­por­tant a role in our elec­tions as the Rus­sians. This is be­cause we of­ten base our votes on which can­di­date’s ads make us change the chan­nel the least or yell bad words at the tele­vi­sion. My name is Jim Shea and I am re­spon­si­ble for this rant.

Re­peat af­ter me

You ever talk to some­one who re­peats him­self? You know some­one who says again what he has just said? You know, some­one who re­peats ex­actly what he has just said, and then says it again? Did you ever talk to some­one like that who says the same thing over and over be­cause they have noth­ing else to say but don’t want to stop be­cause if they do then it will be some­one else’s turn to talk.

Squir­rels

We have a squir­rel prob­lem on our hands.

Wild life bi­ol­o­gists say that a bumper crop of acorns last year re­sulted in a baby squir­rel boom. This makes sense. When squir­rels don’t have to spend so much time for­ag­ing, they have more time for ro­mance, more time for do­ing the wild- life thing.

As a re­sult, it has be­come vir­tu­ally im­pos­si­ble to drive down the road these days with­out hav­ing to dodge one of the furry fre­net­ics.

Some­times you are suc­cess­ful.

Some­times your tires end up be­ing where the rub­ber, and the ro­dent, meet the road.

What can be done to stop the car­nage?

Could des­ig­nated squir­rel cross­ings be an op­tion, maybe lit­tle sus­pen­sion bridges at­tached to util­ity wires?

How about be­hav­ioral mod­i­fi­ca­tion? Cap­tur­ing and train­ing squir­rels to look both ways, in hopes they will teach this to their brethren when re­leased back into the com­mu­nity.

And what about squir­rel ther­apy? With food not as plen­ti­ful this year the fu­ture looks bleak for squir­rels. Per­haps much of the road kill we see is not ac­ci­den­tal?

This Bud’s for you

Beer has gone up­town. There was a time when a beer snob was some­one who used a glass. Nowa­days, it’s some­one who fa­vors es­o­teric brands with clever names like Smooth Hop­er­a­tor, Al­imony Ale, Hop­ti­mus Prime, Moose Drool, and Men’s Room. And don’t get me started on IPAs, what­ever they are.

Per­son­ally, when some­one of­fers me a beer I want it to taste like a beer.

Dilly. Dilly.

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