Daily Democrat (Woodland)

California narrows testing priority

- You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickins­on.com and follow her on Twitter @askingamy.

DEAR AMY » I recently broke up with my girlfriend, but now she wants me back.

I saw her dozens of times in the wee hours of the morning tapping on her phone and then hiding the phone once she knew I was awake.

I didn’t do anything until someone in her inner circle came to me and said that I was “a fool to trust her, she has had a guy on the side the whole time, and that she wanted to break up with me but was afraid I would commit suicide.”

I did check myself voluntaril­y into a mental health unit for depression for a few days some time back.

I am crushed that she betrayed my trust. She admitted she told others about my hospitaliz­ation but claimed the rest is simply not true and that her hiding of the phone was because of an “addiction to learning about the swinging lifestyle.”

She is very unabashed sexually, and is also much younger than I.

She claims that she has since deleted her online accounts that she uses to access the swingers’ clubs and online swingers blogs.

She texts me every day, tells me she loves me, and says she wants me to trust her. She said she would never cheat on me.

We have continued to talk in person occasional­ly and I want to trust her, but I just have a gut feeling that I can’t.

Even if I dismissed what I heard as hearsay, I still saw her hide her phone, and she did betray my confidence regarding my stay in a mental health unit. What should I do?

— My Gut Says No DEAR GUT » Trust is a choice, and sometimes choosing to trust involves a very deliberate quieting of those emergent self-protective voices, while remaining vigilant concerning the person who betrayed you.

However — in your case — I am strongly urging you to go with your gut. Your first responsibi­lity is to your mental health. You deserve so much credit for getting profession­al help when you needed it the most.

You should very deliberate­ly avoid any triggers that might affect your mental health at this point, and the uncertaint­y presented by this relationsh­ip would be at the top of the list. You seem to instinctiv­ely know this, and that is why you are keeping your distance, now. Good for you.

Your girlfriend’s explanatio­n of her own behavior does not make sense. “Swinging” is supposed to be a partner activity. If she is truly into swinging, then why didn’t she invite you?

Her use of the word “addiction” to describe her own behavior means that she will likely have to reckon with it in a more responsibl­e and deliberate way. But how she handles this is not your problem, but hers.

Talk this through with a therapist, and continue to take good care of yourself.

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 ??  ?? Amy Dickinson Ask Amy
Amy Dickinson Ask Amy

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