Trump de­clares self win­ner of de­bate

Daily Freeman (Kingston, NY) - - OPINION - Will Durst Rag­ing Mod­er­ate Will Durst is syn­di­cated by Cage Car­toons.

An es­ti­mated 84 mil­lion Amer­i­cans tuned into the first pres­i­den­tial de­bate, but Don­ald Trump did not seem to be among them. Men­tally he had checked out, maybe to seek ad­mis­sion to Dr. Snuf­fle­u­pa­gus’s clinic to score some sur­plus Clar­itin.

A con­sen­sus of post­de­bate polls re­vealed 54 per­cent of re­spon­dents thought Hil­lary Clin­ton won, 24 per­cent con­sid­ered Trump the win­ner and the other 22 per­cent ei­ther had no opin­ion or looked at the ques­tion­ers like they were crazy for even ask­ing.

The month of Septem­ber wit­nessed a Trump surge that thrust the real es­tate mogul into a dead heat, so these num­bers in­di­cate half his sup­port­ers thought he lost. His own spin doc­tors were ec­static he man­aged to pro­nounce his own name cor­rectly. And for that they should thank grandpa for chang­ing it from Drumpf. Many peo­ple said that who­ever watched that de­ba­cle and still plans to vote for Don­ald Trump hates Amer­ica.

Trump em­barked on a post-de­bate obliv­ion tour to tell who­ever would lis­ten (Fox News) how ev­ery­body was telling him he had to­tally won the de­bate by a wide mar­gin. Pre­sum­ably these are the same delu­sion­als who so of­ten re­mark on his ter­rific tem­per­a­ment. Not just a great tem­per­a­ment, the best tem­per­a­ment in the his­tory of pres­i­den­tial pol­i­tics. Its amaz­ing, his tem­per­a­ment. Ask any­body. Ask Sean Han­nity. Trump gets so worked up talk­ing about his tremen­dous tem­per­a­ment, the only ex­pla­na­tion is he’s con­fused about the def­i­ni­tion of the word.

“My tem­per­a­ment is much bet­ter than per­fect. I have a note from Sean Han­nity and Dr. Oz about my in­cred­i­bly beau­ti­ful tem­per­a­ment. Both have seen re­cent cal­cu­la­tions by my gas­troen­terol­o­gist that mea­sure my tem­per­a­ment as 98.6 de­grees.”

The ma­jor de­bate knock against Clin­ton is that she was too scripted and re­sem­bled an es­caped an­i­ma­tron from Dis­ney’s Hall of Pres­i­dents whose face had frozen half­way be­tween amaze­ment and con­de­scen­sion. That’s how low we’ve come; ac­cu­sa­tions are fly­ing that some­one was too well-pre­pared.

But that’s more Team Trump snip­ing, jeal­ous that the for­mer sec­re­tary of state was able to string words to­gether into ac­tual sen­tences with sub­jects and pred­i­cates and points and stuff. You know. In a pres­i­den­tial sort of man­ner.

Ap­par­ently the real es­tate mogul thought he could earn ex­tra credit based on time of pos­ses­sion, be­cause he in­ter­rupted and ram­bled and mut­tered, find­ing time to ma­lign Rosie O’Don­nell and sput­ter­ing some­thing about how the DNC was hacked by some 400-pound guy on a bed. Then the tax-avoid­ing ty­coon com­plained there was a prob­lem with his mi­cro­phone. And he’s right. It was turned on.

But don’t de­spair: There are two more de­bates to come.

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