An unwelcome guest
On one day’s notice, my husband’s college friend — let’s call him “Will” — asked whether he could “crash” with us for two nights. I assumed that meant he was coming to town on other business and just needed a place to sleep — which would have been OK, even though I’m up against a work deadline, because I wouldn’t have had to be a proper host.
When he arrived holding a suitcase that looked large enough for a monthlong cruise, I got a little nervous. Now he’s been here for five days. And aside from a couple of hours here and there, he hasn’t left the house. He’s just been hanging out in our living room.
I work from home, and he keeps coming into my office to chat during the day and ask random questions. He’s a nice, funny guy whom I would enjoy spending time with under other circumstances. But I feel as if my personal space has been invaded, and that’s a big pet peeve of mine.
After Will had been here for a day, my husband privately complained to me some about his behavior (putting his feet up on the table, lying on the couch, leaving a mess in the bathroom), but I told him to let it go. Now I’m the one who’s annoyed, and my husband has pretty much tuned it all out. Yesterday and today I asked him, “Isn’t Will leaving today?” He just shrugged.
I don’t want to be rude or inhospitable to a friend of my husband’s (though it turns out they were never that close and have hardly kept in touch since graduating). But I really would like some privacy back. How can I tactfully drop the hint that he’s overstayed his welcome? — No Vacancy
Someone needs to take the bull by the horns here, before that bull turns your whole house into his own personal pasture.
You have two options. You can tell your husband that it is time to tune back in and tell his friend that he has to find another place to stay by the end of the week, or you can tell Will yourself. Anyone who would say he is staying for only two days and then stay for five (without leaving the house at all) doesn’t seem the type to have an exit plan unless he is pushed to. So push him. It’s time for this houseguest to find another nest.
I’m writing in response to the letter from “Smell You Later,” as well as your reply, which, for the most part, was a good one. For quite a few years, I suffered from having bad breath. It was very disconcerting, seeing as I was constantly brushing my teeth. It turned out that a lack of brushing was not the issue. It was the fact that I was not flossing. I never realized that the food that got stuck between my teeth was the culprit — rotting and causing my halitosis. Once I started flossing and using a proxy brush, the problem disappeared and has never returned. Besides stopping the bad breath, the practice also put an end to all the cavities I used to get. I always thought I went to a good dentist, but obviously he was not good enough to emphasize the importance of flossing and cleaning between my teeth.
You have two options. You can tell your husband that it is time to tune back in and tell his friend that he has to find another place to stay by the end of the week, or you can tell Will yourself.