When a fad’s a ne­ces­sity

Daily Freeman (Kingston, NY) - - YOUR DAILY BREAK - An­nie Lane

I’m a woman in my early 50s. Eight years ago, I be­gan hav­ing messy bath­room-re­lated ac­ci­dents in my car after eat­ing in restau­rants. Doc­tors con­firmed I had an al­lergy to gluten — which made sense, see­ing as one of my par­ents has it and I had usu­ally just con­sumed wheat be­fore hav­ing an at­tack in the car.

Many restau­rants and su­per­mar­kets are very ac­com­mo­dat­ing. The hard­est part is deal­ing with reg­u­lar snide com­ments about my gluten-free diet — peo­ple say­ing I’m just be­ing trendy and I’ll get over it.

I’m sure a lot of peo­ple are avoid­ing wheat by choice, but some of us have to do it out of ne­ces­sity. Please tell your read­ers to be more dis­cern­ing. — Frus­trated in

Fram­ing­ham

It sounds as if the peo­ple mak­ing th­ese re­marks have some in­tol­er­ance is­sues of their own. Gluten­re­lated dis­or­ders, such as celiac dis­ease, are very real. Just be­cause some fad di­eters have grav­i­tated to­ward a gluten-free trend doesn’t make it OK to dis­miss the is­sue. Your diet is be­tween you and your doc­tor. If any­one else wants to judge you, he or she should first walk a mile with your stom­ach is­sues. what to do.

I don’t know

I re­cently re­tired. My hus­band is still work­ing. In the past few years, he has started play­ing a com­puter game. This is not one of the ones that in­volve other play­ers; it in­volves only him. At first, he did it for only an hour or two. Now he starts when he gets home from work and plays un­til bed­time, usu­ally only stop­ping for din­ner. On week­ends, ex­cept for mow­ing the lawn and do­ing a few other tasks, he plays from morn­ing un­til bed.

He has no in­ter­est in do­ing any of the things we used to do, and I am wor­ried about the fu­ture when he re­tires. We once talked about all the things we could do when we are both re­tired, but I can’t see that hap­pen­ing any­more. He used to be good com­pany; we used to go places and do things to­gether. I have many in­ter­ests and out­side ac­tiv­i­ties, but I miss the man I mar­ried. I am very sad and not look­ing for­ward to a fu­ture of this. He re­fuses to con­sider coun­sel­ing, say­ing that I am the one with a prob­lem. I guess that is true, be­cause he is ap­par­ently happy with the game. Do you have any sug­ges­tions?

— Lonely

Your hus­band is play­ing a los­ing game with ad­dic­tion. See­ing as he’s de­fen­sive and in­sis­tent that he doesn’t have a prob­lem, you might try shift­ing the fo­cus to your mar­riage and the way his be­hav­ior is im­pact­ing you. Then sug­gest mar­riage coun­sel­ing. An ob­jec­tive third­party might be the game changer he needs.

I would also rec­om­mend con­tact­ing On-Line Gamers Anony­mous. It of­fers help for peo­ple in your po­si­tion. One of the first things it em­pha­sizes is to stop en­abling the gamer’s prob­lem­atic be­hav­ior. “This means re­frain­ing from do­ing any­thing that makes their life com­fort­able while they game, such as bring­ing them meals at the com­puter,” the group says. Visit http://www.ol­ganon. org for more in­for­ma­tion.

There was no re­sponse to “Knight’s” let­ter from you in our lo­cal pa­per, so I am send­ing one.

How chival­rous he is — and self-cen­tered. Many men who “pay” ex­pect some­thing in re­turn that a woman might not care to of­fer. Quid pro quo. This is not about com­mit­ment. It is about power, con­trol, in­tim­i­da­tion and ma­nip­u­la­tion. Treat­ing some­one should not be about you; it should be about the other per­son. If your date chooses to not ac­cept your of­fer, it doesn’t say any­thing about you; it says some­thing about the com­fort level of your date.

— Not a Fan

Send your ques­tions for An­nie Lane to dear­an­nie@cre­ators.com.

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