Bright side of Trump vic­tory

Daily Freeman (Kingston, NY) - - OPINION - Will Durst Rag­ing Mod­er­ate Will Durst is syn­di­cated by Cage Car­toons.

Well, that hap­pened. Don­ald J. Trump didn’t just per­plex the pun­dits, poll­sters and his own prog­eny with a stun­ning elec­toral pum­mel­ing of Hil­lary Clin­ton, he pelted them with show­biz shock and awe. It was a wakeup call that surely rolled Beethoven, who was deaf, and is now dead. It was the new shot heard round the world.

Plan­etwide, lib­er­als are slash­ing wrists and bash­ing brains and gnash­ing teeth and curled in a fe­tal po­si­tion beg­ging for their blue banky. The city of San Francisco is work­ing through the five stages of grief, but it’s go­ing to take a while, be­cause right now they’re stuck on de­nial.

The streets of Hol­ly­wood are flooded with the salty tears of dis­traught baby movie stars who don’t know whether to fol­low through on their threat to move to Canada or pay some­one to do it for them. It’s mourn­ing in Amer­ica.

MSNBC’s an­chors re­acted like they were told their chil­dren had been burned be­yond recog­ni­tion in a meth lab ex­plo­sion. But it wasn’t all doom and gloom. Over at Fox News they were bounc­ing up and down in their chairs like third-graders on Santa’s lap. Most of the chairs ap­peared to have been soiled.

The pres­i­dent-elect re­ceived con­grat­u­la­tory calls from Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong Un, David Duke, Jean Marie Le Pen, Nigel Farage and the ghost of Caligula. Mean­while, Demo­cratic con­gress­men clung to the faint hope that he’ll be bet­ter than the rest of the world fears. “No way he’s go­ing to be an­other Hitler. Mus­solini, maybe.”

But in Amer­ica, we are fa­mous for mak­ing lemon­ade out of lemons and to­tally over­look­ing the pos­si­ble pos­i­tives of Don­ald J. Trump be­com­ing our 45th pres­i­dent. Here’s a few to buck up your spir­its:

• Con­gres­sional Medal of Honor Win­ner Rudy Gi­u­liani.

• The Alec Bald­win Full Em­ploy­ment Act.

• Trump sup­port­ers once again have other uses for that col­lec­tion of white sheets gath­er­ing dust in the back of the closet.

• Teenage boys will col­lect pho­tos of the first lady. To be viewed un­der a blan­ket, with a flash­light, one-handed.

• Book burn­ings poised to make a big come­back.

• After hand­ing over the nu­clear codes to a tem­per­a­men­tal real es­tate de­vel­oper, our per­sonal prob­lems pale in com­par­i­son.

• Cal­i­for­nia Se­ces­sion Move­ment pick­ing up steam.

• Ge­orge W. Bush moves up a notch on pres­i­den­tial his­tor­i­cal rank­ings list.

• Kids taught that lies and fear are ef­fec­tive tools. Helps pre­pare them for the busi­ness world.

• First pres­i­dent with a com­bover.

• No­body al­lowed to chas­tise me for mak­ing po­lit­i­cally in­sen­si­tive jokes about the pres­i­dent-elect. Ever.

• Civil War buffs have new in­tra­na­tional clash to study. Where one side has all the guns and the other all the les­bians.

• With Trump fol­low­ing Obama in the White House, Orange re­ally is the new Black.

• And fi­nally, at least for a cou­ple of months, you will be for­given for de­vel­op­ing a drink­ing prob­lem. Dur­ing the day. At your job. As a grade school teacher.

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