In­fi­delity let­ters struck a chord

Daily Freeman (Kingston, NY) - - YOUR DAILY BREAK - An­nie Lane

I read your column re­cently about the two gen­tle­men who each were mar­ried for a long time but found out their wives had had af­fairs af­ter they passed away. This struck me be­cause at times, I feel as if this could be me.

I know it’s prob­a­bly a con­fi­dence is­sue on my part. I of­ten think, “Why did my wife pick me? Am I enough?” I’ve brought this up to my wife be­fore, and of course she was hurt that I would even think that she would have an af­fair.

Re­cently, I found out that she was send­ing an­other man nude pic­tures of her­self. That hurt me be­yond be­lief. It was a long­time gen­tle­man friend. I say “gen­tle­man,” but he’s not re­ally. I feel that any re­spectable man who found out that a woman who is do­ing this is mar­ried would put a stop to it.

Her rea­son for send­ing the pho­tos was that he would send her money and she felt that the only way to get the money was to do that. I’m hav­ing a hard time deal­ing with this. I’ve been think­ing of di­vorce. I just don’t know whether I can be happy and deal with the is­sue at hand. I want to work things out, but when­ever I bring some­thing up, she says it comes across as an at­tack on her. She thinks ev­ery­thing is OK when it isn’t. We’ve al­ways wanted to go to coun­sel­ing for cou­ples be­cause it has al­ways seemed like a good idea. How­ever, with kids and all, it’s hard to even sit down, let alone find the time to go.

I’ve tried ther­apy, but I’m not crazy about it. Re­ally, I just want my wife to un­der­stand what I’m go­ing through. I will try to keep talk­ing to her and hope that soon we’ll get the pro­fes­sional help we need. — Lonely

What you put in is what you get out. I’m not blam­ing you for your wife’s in­fi­delity (and yes, I would con­sider her send­ing R-rated pho­tos to a male friend to be in­fi­delity), but I am chal­leng­ing you to take rad­i­cal ac­tion to save your mar­riage. That means work­ing on your­self and your self-es­teem. If you don’t feel wor­thy of love, you’re pre­vent­ing oth­ers from lov­ing you.

It also means get­ting into mar­riage coun­sel­ing ASAP. Make an ap­point­ment to­day. You’ve both ex­pressed an in­ter­est in go­ing. There’s noth­ing stop­ping you.

This is a driv­ing tip for peo­ple with road rage: Lis­ten to au­dio­books — even on short trips, such as to the gro­cery. It makes wait­ing at lights, in traf­fic jams and on the high­way much more pleas­ant, and it makes it eas­ier to for­give the other driver.

What you put in is what you get out. I’m not blam­ing you for your wife’s in­fi­delity (and yes, I would con­sider her send­ing R-rated pho­tos to a male friend to be in­fi­delity), but I am chal­leng­ing you to take rad­i­cal ac­tion to save your mar­riage.

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