Hus­band sneaks around

Daily Freeman (Kingston, NY) - - YOUR DAILY BREAK - An­nie Lane


My hus­band has been talk­ing to other women on­line. He’s been on nu­mer­ous dat­ing sites, and ev­ery time I catch him, he changes his ac­count name or goes on a dif­fer­ent one. I think it’s cheat­ing. He says it’s not — that he’s just talk­ing to them. But he says very in­ap­pro­pri­ate things to them and sends ex­plicit pho­tos of him­self. They send him pic­tures, too. I think he’s go­ing to go meet them even­tu­ally if he hasn’t al­ready, though he swears he hasn’t ever cheated.

I’m so con­fused. It feels as if I’m not enough for him. He doesn’t ever want to be in­ti­mate with me any­more. We’ve been mar­ried for only four months, so I re­ally think he’s cheat­ing on me. There are just too many signs that point to it.

I love him more than I’ve ever loved any­one, and he swears he loves me, too, and has never cheated on me. But he won’t stay off those sites, and it’s very dis­re­spect­ful. I’m get­ting so de­pressed, and I don’t feel that he loves me any­more. What can I do to get him to stop? I’ve tried ev­ery­thing to spice up our love life. He swears he only wants to be with me, not an­other woman. Help. — De­pressed and Lonely


This is sup­posed to be the hon­ey­moon phase, not the honey-night­mare. If he’s act­ing like this four months into your mar­riage, I shud­der to think how he would act in 40 years — and I hope you never have to find out. Al­though I nor­mally en­cour­age cou­ples to put in the work to save a mar­riage, I think you’d be bet­ter off cut­ting and run­ning now, be­fore your lives are fur­ther in­ter­twined or chil­dren en­ter the pic­ture. You de­serve bet­ter.


My brother and I used to be very close. He’s 54, and I’m 52. He has been mar­ried five times and has one son from his sec­ond mar­riage. Rarely has he been in his son’s life. I’m closer to his son than he is. He dates dif­fer­ent women all the time and al­ways cheats on them. He lied to a for­mer co-worker who was 19 and got her preg­nant. He told her it was phys­i­cally im­pos­si­ble for him to have kids, and she be­lieved him. She is now seven months preg­nant and lives three houses from me. My wife and I feel bad for her and are try­ing to help her out. My dad said to stay out of my brother’s busi­ness, and my mom is on the fence. I be­lieve that my brother has a sex­ual ad­dic­tion and needs help through coun­sel­ing. What’s the best way to deal with this mess my brother has cre­ated? — Younger Brother


If you and your wife want to help out the young woman, by all means, please do, and en­cour­age your mom to get off the fence and help out, too. The child will be your niece or nephew and her grand­child, af­ter all. Just be­cause your brother has turned his back on his own doesn’t mean you all must turn yours with him.

Clearly, your brother is not sta­ble, and his com­pul­sive sex­ual be­hav­ior is un­healthy and de­stroy­ing lives. The Amer­i­can Psy­chi­atric As­so­ci­a­tion does not rec­og­nize “sex ad­dic­tion” in it­self as a dis­or­der, but such be­hav­ior does fre­quently oc­cur along­side other men­tal health is­sues. En­cour­age him to seek the help of a li­censed ther­a­pist, but ul­ti­mately, he must want to help him­self. Chang­ing him is not a bur­den you could bear, even if you wanted to.

Send your ques­tions for An­nie Lane to dear­an­nie@cre­ators. com.

If he’s act­ing like this four months into your mar­riage, I shud­der to think how he would act in 40 years.

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