Group of friends splin­ters fol­low­ing sleep­over snub

Daily Local News (West Chester, PA) - - YOUR DAILY BREAK - Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

My 11-year-old daugh­ter re­cently asked to have a sleep­over with some of her best friends. She’s part of a “club” with five other girls. Four of them are her best friends, so she in­vited them. How­ever, my daugh­ter is not close with the fifth girl, “Deb­bie.” They don’t hang out at school and barely hang out dur­ing their club ac­tiv­i­ties.

When Deb­bie’s mother found out my daugh­ter had in­vited the oth­ers, she ac­cused me of ex­clud­ing Deb­bie in­ten­tion­ally. I re­ceived a rude text from her telling me they were quit­ting the club.

In the past, we have gone above and be­yond to keep her daugh­ter in­cluded in the club ac­tiv­i­ties, but when it comes to my daugh­ter want­ing to hang out with her friends out­side of that, I feel she should be able to in­vite who­ever she wants. Should I have made my daugh­ter in­vite Deb­bie to her sleep­over even though they aren’t re­ally friends? — “Mean Mom”

DEAR “MEAN MOM” >> Ob­vi­ously, Deb­bie is close enough with some of the other girls that they told her about the sleep­over. Your daugh­ter may not like Deb­bie as much as she likes the other “club” mem­bers — which seems more like a clique to me — but I don’t think that’s a rea­son to ex­clude or at­tempt to iso­late her. Be­cause all of the other girls were asked, Deb­bie should not have been snubbed. For a mo­ment, put your­self in her shoes.

DEAR ABBY >> I have many friends with grand­chil­dren, two of whom love to show me pho­tos of them. I don’t mind look­ing at a few, but re­cently, dur­ing a two-hour lunch, one friend in­sisted on show­ing me pic­tures and videos the en­tire time. I swear I’m not ex­ag­ger­at­ing. Another friend has four five-minute videos I’m sup­posed to watch.

I show pic­tures of my grand­chil­dren only oc­ca­sion­ally. Would it be rude if, the next time this hap­pens, I say some­thing like, “I’d love to see a cou­ple, but re­mem­ber — I have eight grand­chil­dren and more than 700 pho­tos and videos on MY phone”? — Bleary-eyed in Cal­i­for­nia

DEAR BLEARY-EYED >> I don’t think it would be rude. It might be an ef­fec­tive re­minder that granny-brag­ging is a twoway street.

DEAR ABBY >> My niece is so­lic­it­ing do­na­tions for her boyfriend’s young daugh­ter’s up­com­ing op­er­a­tion. I’m hes­i­tant be­cause they both smoke, and with the price of cig­a­rettes these days, it’s tak­ing a chunk out of his pay­check — not to men­tion the health risks. I re­al­ize the child isn’t to blame. Should we go ahead and do­nate, know­ing some it is be­ing used to fi­nance their tobacco habit? — No fan of smok­ing DEAR NO FAN OF SMOK­ING >> This is not a ref­er­en­dum on smok­ing; it’s a re­quest for help to pay for needed surgery for a child. Yes, you should give them a do­na­tion if you have it to spare.

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