Woman torn over daugh­ter’s de­mands

Daily Local News (West Chester, PA) - - YOUR DAILY BREAK - Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY >> My fi­ance, “Allen,” and I have dated for al­most three years and have been liv­ing to­gether for three months. When we met, he had been di­vorced for more than two years. Allen has a 13-year-old son and a 19-yearold daugh­ter. His kids learned about me af­ter we had dated a year. His daugh­ter, “Jen,” at­tends col­lege out of state. When she vis­its home, she stays only with her mom.

Last sum­mer, Allen and I de­cided to buy a house to­gether, found the per­fect one, and went to make an of­fer when Jen stepped in and said if we lived to­gether be­fore Au­gust, af­ter she re­turned to school, she wouldn’t have any­thing to do with him. He told me I can’t live with him un­til Au­gust.

I was dev­as­tated, but I didn’t have a choice. Now we have a house to­gether, Jen said she wants to spend time on Thanks­giv­ing here at the house with­out me or my kids. She cried to her dad, say­ing if he doesn’t do this he’s ex­clud­ing her and choos­ing my kids and me over her.

This will be my first hol­i­day with my fi­ance, and I was re­ally look­ing for­ward to it. We were hav­ing friends and fam­ily over. But now, be­cause of her re­quest, he wants me to leave for a few hours in the morn­ing.

I’m torn. I feel like her be­hav­ior is ex­tremely rude and he shouldn’t give in to her, but she said she’ll only see him un­der these con­di­tions. Do I leave my house for a few hours on Thanks­giv­ing, or tell her she’s wel­come but the kids and I are stay­ing in our own home?

— Dis­re­spected out West

DEAR DIS­RE­SPECTED >> It’s time for you and Allen to have a se­ri­ous dis­cus­sion. Jen’s de­mand is un­rea­son­able. Have you set a wed­ding date yet? Does he plan to al­low his daugh­ter to con­trol both of you once you are mar­ried?

You and your chil­dren should not have to va­cate your home in order for her to visit with her fa­ther. Jen is an adult, and if she prefers to avoid the re­al­ity of your ex­is­tence, it’s her choice. Her fa­ther could visit with her else­where the day be­fore or af­ter Thanks­giv­ing.

DEAR ABBY >> I’m 17, and a friend of mine who lives out of state, “Jane,” has just told me she has dis­so­cia­tive iden­tity dis­or­der (for­merly known as mul­ti­ple per­son­al­ity dis­or­der). I don’t know how I should be­have around her now be­cause large parts of our history have cor­re­lated to her var­i­ous iden­ti­ties. Some have come onto me, but oth­ers seemed to hate me.

Do you know where I can find help for deal­ing with a per­son af­flicted by this? She doesn’t want to tell her psy­chi­a­trist, and so far, only I and another friend know about this. — Wor­ried how to be­have

DEAR WOR­RIED >> If your friend’s psy­chi­a­trist doesn’t know that she has dis­so­cia­tive iden­tity dis­or­der, I would hes­i­tate to ac­cept her self-di­ag­no­sis and so should you. The kind­est thing you can do for her would be to urge her to fully dis­close any symp­toms she’s been ex­pe­ri­enc­ing to her doc­tor, be­cause if what you have writ­ten is ac­cu­rate, she has not been do­ing that. Other than that, treat her as you al­ways have, but do not al­low her to abuse you.

Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from USA

© PressReader. All rights reserved.