Ill­ness leads to transplant ques­tions

Daily Southtown (Sunday) - - Real Estate - By Amy Dick­in­son askamy@amy­dick­in­son.com Twit­ter @ask­ingamy

DearAmy: My sis­ter is re­ceiv­ing treat­ment for a chronic ill­ness. Even­tu­ally her treat­ment will cease to be ef­fec­tive with­out a kidney transplant. When she­was di­ag­nosed, five years ago (and from time to time since then), my fam­ily and I have ex­pressed our wishes to her to be tested to see ifwewere transplant matches.

She has never provided uswith transplant test­ing in­for­ma­tion, nor dowe even knowif she is pur­su­ing a transplant. She is a very pri­vate per­son, par­tic­u­larly about her health, and she re­sents ad­vice or in­quiries that she thinks are in­tru­sive. I ac­cept that she is an adult and can make her own choices re­gard­ing her health.

We lost our par­ents years ago to can­cer, and our fam­ily can be over­bear­ing and in­quis­i­tive. Many­well-mean­ing rel­a­tives askme about her lat­est news, and they seem to think I should be push­ing her more to pur­sue this transplant.

Iwould be dev­as­tated if this ill­ness claimed her life, and I have a young son who adores her and­whom she adores, not to men­tion all the fam­ily and friends who care about her. Should I be do­ing more to ad­vo­cate formy sis­ter’s life?

— A Con­cerned Sis­ter

Dear Sis­ter: You can con­tact theNa­tional Kidney Foun­da­tion with ques­tions about kidney dis­ease, do­na­tion or transplant by call­ing its hot­line, 855-653-2273, or by email­ing nk­f­cares@kidney.org.

You can pur­sue ini­tial in­for­ma­tion re­gard­ing live or­gan do­na­tion with­out your sis­ter’s par­tic­i­pa­tion. Then, down the road, if she chooses to pur­sue a transplant, you will be pre­pared and in­formed.

You should not push your sis­ter, but you should be hon­est with her about your feel­ings: “I knowyou are pri­vate and our fam­ily can be over­whelm­ing, but Iwant you to knowthat your favorite nephew and I care so much about you, and I’mwait­ing to help you in any­way youmight­want or need, nowor later.”

DearAmy: My chi­ro­prac­tor of over a decade re­cently re­tired and I needed a new one. I found a chi­ro­prac­tor­whose tech­niques I re­ally ap­pre­ci­ate, how­ever, he has an an­noy­ing habit of giv­ing ex­ten­sive ex­pla­na­tions. If I tell him about a new symp­tom I’m hav­ing, hewill spend five to 10min­utes pon­tif­i­cat­ing on ba­sic in­for­ma­tion. He al­ways in­cludes a dis- claimer that this new symp­tom is not his fault. As I have told him, I have been see­ing chi­ro­prac­tors for over 50 years and so it’s not as if any of this ba­sic in­for­ma­tion is new tome. I’m not blam­ing him formy new symp­toms; I just think he’d like to knowwhat’s go­ing on with me

Howdo I get him to quit talk­ing down to me and just do his job?

— RollingMy Eyes in Ore­gon

DearRollingMy Eyes: One client’s “talk­ing down” or “pon­tif­i­ca­tion” is an­other’s “in­for­ma­tion ses­sion.”

Your new chi­ro­prac­tor is not amin­dreader. You should com­mu­ni­cate clearly with him: “I haven’t been your client for long, so I’m let­ting you knowthat I ap­pre­ci­ate your tech­niques but I’d rather you get right tomy ad­just­ment, rather than ex­plain things. If I have ques­tions, I’ll ask. Iwant you to knowthat I trust you— I just­want to max­i­mize our time.”

If he can’t— or doesn’twant to— ad­just to your style, then you should keep look­ing for a new prac­ti­tioner.

DearAmy: Why the Catholic-bash­ing in your an­swer to “Ex­cluded”? The ques­tion­was about a rabbi nephew who re­fused to at­tend the fam­ily’s mixed­faith­wed­ding. You noted that in the Catholic Church, the list of ex­clu­sions to at­tend is “sev­eral items long.” You don’t knowwhat you are talk­ing about, and I re­sent your big­otry.

— Up­set Catholic

DearUpset: I re­sponded re­gard­ing Catholi­cism be­cause that is the re­li­gion I prob­a­bly knowbest and to punc­tu­atemy greater point that many reli­gions cre­ate ex­clu­sions for wit­ness­ing­wed­dings.

Some Catholics de­cline to at­tend wed­dings con­sid­ered “in­valid” by the church— the most ob­vi­ous ex­am­ple be­ing a same-sex union. (The rabbi nephew in ques­tion­was de­clin­ing to at­tend awed­ding he ob­vi­ously con­sid­ered “in­valid.”)

Michelle Arnold, my favorite colum­nist on Catholic.com, notes that “Can I at­tend this wed­ding?” is the ques­tion she re­ceives­most fre­quently.

Copy­right 2018 by Amy Dick­in­son Dis­trib­uted by Tri­bune Con­tent Agency

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