Adult daugh­ter’s ques­tion­able choices make it harder to help

Daily Times (Primos, PA) - - AT YOUR LEISURE -

DEAR ABBY » My daugh­ter has de­cided to leave her hus­band. They have been mar­ried for 20 years. She says she hasn’t been happy for sev­eral years and that it’s time to take care of her­self. She won’t be able to sup­port her­self and the chil­dren, but she doesn’t seem able to grasp that re­al­ity. When I voice my con­cerns, she gets an­gry with me. She’s de­ter­mined to go for­ward with this sep­a­ra­tion and says her kids will be “fine.” I say that’s bull! She has also em­braced an ex­er­cise and eat­ing plan that seems rad­i­cal to me and has a life coach who is also a psy­chic. I think she’s hav­ing a midlife cri­sis.

If it weren’t for what this is go­ing to do to my grand­chil­dren, I’d keep my mouth shut, but I’m sick with worry. Her sib­lings think she has lost her mind, so she has pretty much cut her­self off from the fam­ily.

When she be­came frus­trated be­cause she wasn’t able to qual­ify for a house she wanted to rent, she lashed out at me. I’m wait­ing for an apol­ogy, but I’m re­al­is­tic that I’ll prob­a­bly never get one. I feel like I’m in mourn­ing over the loss of this child. What do I do?

— Shaken up in Texas

DEAR SHAKEN UP » Your daugh­ter is an adult. By now you must have re­al­ized you can no longer con­trol her be­hav­ior. For the sake of your own men­tal health, ac­cept that she’s go­ing to make her own mis­takes. Do not ac­cept fi­nan­cial re­spon­si­bil­ity for your daugh­ter. Be as sup­port­ive of your grand­chil­dren as you can be, be­cause at some point you may have to take them in.

As for her “psy­chic life coach,” you should know that un­like physi­cians, psy­chol­o­gists and so­cial work­ers, life coaches do not be­long to any or­ga­ni­za­tion that re­quires them to ad­here to eth­i­cal stan­dards. Your daugh­ter should be made aware that there may be some risk in­volved in plac­ing her fu­ture in that per­son’s hands.

DEAR ABBY » A dear friend and I de­cided to visit our old friend, “Carol,” who has been in an as­sisted liv­ing fa­cil­ity for a year. Carol has some de­men­tia, but we took her — arm in arm — to a pizza restau­rant at our mall. Af­ter we were seated and brows­ing the menu, a very hand­some gen­tle­man ap­proached our ta­ble. He said we re­minded him of his mother and in­sisted on treat­ing us to din­ner. We thanked him, he laid down a $100 bill and dis­ap­peared. We en­joyed a great din­ner and left the change ($35) for the server. We would like to thank that nice gen­tle­man again. He made our day.

— Grate­ful in Ge­or­gia

DEAR GRATE­FUL » Your let­ter made MY day. Oc­ca­sion­ally, I print let­ters about acts of kind­ness, and yours def­i­nitely qual­i­fies. You and your friend were per­form­ing a good deed by tak­ing your friend for lunch, and it was paid for­ward in record time. It’s nice know­ing there are good peo­ple out there. Thank you for shar­ing.

Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and get­ting along with peers and par­ents is in “What Ev­ery Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mail­ing ad­dress, plus check or money or­der for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Book­let, P.O. Box 447, Mount Mor­ris, IL 61054-0447. (Ship­ping and han­dling are in­cluded in the price.)

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