Girl feels pres­sure from so­ci­ety to have sex

El Dorado News-Times - - Morning Brew -

DEAR ABBY: I’m a teenage girl who has al­ways heard and seen on TV and in movies that there’s pres­sure from guys to have sex. That may be true, but I feel there is also pres­sure from so­ci­ety. I never thought I would feel like that when I got to high school, but now

I do. It hurts, and I am writ­ing this for all the girls who feel the same way I do about it.

I have been strug­gling with it for a few days, and it is mess­ing with me a lot.

I know I don’t want to have sex yet, but I still feel like I have to.

“Tom” re­ally wants to, but he isn’t a vir­gin. It scares me, and while he isn’t pres­sur­ing me,

I feel like there is a boul­der on my shoul­ders. If you know how I can stop feel­ing like this, please let me know.

PRES­SURE FROM SO­CI­ETY DEAR PRES­SURE: A sure­fire way to feel less pres­sured into do­ing some­thing you’re not ready for would be to stop as­sum­ing Tom’s sex drive is YOUR responsibility.

Re­mem­ber that although many teenage girls have been pres­sured into hav­ing sex, a siz­able num­ber have not. If you choose to wait un­til you are older, that’s your priv­i­lege, be­cause re­gard­less of what you’re see­ing on TV and in the movies, “ev­ery­one else” ISN’T do­ing it.


DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have two amaz­ing chil­dren, and while they do re­quire a lot of at­ten­tion, I feel like I’m get­ting the short end of the stick. My wife works third shift, while I work 8 to 5. She’s off two days out of two weeks, but even then, she’s on call it seems like all the time. When I try to make time for us, things come up more of­ten than not and it gets pushed aside.

We used to have time for each other, and we are talk­ing about hav­ing an­other child. How do I find the time for one more child when we don’t have enough time for each other? I’m be­gin­ning to think she doesn’t want to be around me any­more, or she’s no longer in love with me or that she’s cheat­ing on me. I don’t want to be­lieve it, but I don’t know what else to think. What should I do?

NEEDS TIME TO­GETHER DEAR NEEDS TIME: Have you told your wife all the things you are telling me? If you haven’t, place it at the top of your agenda. Feel­ing the way you do, you should be talk­ing about im­prov­ing your mar­riage be­fore en­larg­ing your fam­ily and the re­spon­si­bil­i­ties that go along with it. Not only should you and your wife be sched­ul­ing alone time to­gether, you should also con­sult a li­censed fam­ily ther­a­pist to re­open the lines of com­mu­ni­ca­tion be­tween the two of you.


DEAR ABBY: Could you please tell me what’s proper in a sit­u­a­tion like this? My hus­band and I are al­ways in­vited to his fam­ily’s holiday cel­e­bra­tions. When we ac­cept, the in­vi­ta­tion is also ex­tended to my mother and sis­ter. If my hus­band and I are un­able to at­tend, should my mother and sis­ter still go or con­sider their in­vi­ta­tion can­celed?

JAN IN SAN CLE­MENTE, CALIF. DEAR JAN: If the in­vi­ta­tions that were ex­tended were ac­cepted by your mother and sis­ter, and they are ex­pected, they should at­tend.


Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www. or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Abi­gail Van Buren

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