button. They backed down. So I apologize to Judd and his friends. But I actually see my speed habit as a compliment to Hollywood. There are just so many wonderful TV shows and movies. It’s overwhelming. Even in quarantine, even if I had Yoda’s life span, I’d never get to them all. But on double speed, I can ingest twice as much filmic goodness. It’s not too weird, once you get used to it. The actors don’t sound like the Chipmunks. They just talk and move really fast, like they’re at a party and have just emerged sniffling from the bathroom. My addiction started with reality shows. for instance, has about eight minutes of content squeezed into an hour. Fast was a huge improvement. Then on to where the sketches sometimes drag. Not for me! Soon it spread everywhere. Movies, documentaries, miniseries. I even dipped into horror films, a genre I’d long avoided. I hate the jump scares. But on double speed, the scares are much more palatable: less snuff film, more Keystone Kops. I would never have committed to watching without my pace maker. (I still found it slow.) Admittedly, I miss tons of subtleties. Or not-so-subtleties. My wife watched alone at a normal pace. “Didn’t you love the John Amos cameo?” she commented. “What cameo now?” I said. And some entertainment is double-speed-proof. I find is so dense, I have to watch it at 1.1 speed at most. Accents are also tough was baffling). But overall it’s practically doubled my happiness. By the way, I won’t be insulted if you skimmed this article. I would have. Wolf of Wall Street The Bachelor, Bachelor SNL, Manchester by the NEED SPEED Sea THE FOR Uncut Gems BINGING GETTING BORING? EW CONTRIBUTOR REVEALS HIS TRICK FOR SPICING UP MOVIE (AND TV) MARATHONS. A.J. JACOBS about 12 minutes. I can enjoy a movie over lunch. Well, a normal movie. was still an odyssey, but at least it didn’t require me to quit my job. I know! This is not the way a meticulously crafted film is meant to be seen. I’ve been told it’s like chugging a bottle of Château Lafite Rothschild with a beer funnel. It’s an example of everything wrong with our short-attentionspan, efficiency-obsessed culture. Judd Apatow ranted about speedwatching on Twitter, threatening to go to war with Netflix if they included a double-speed Veep I NEED TO CONFESS A DARK SECRET, one that will appall my friends in the entertainment industry. It’s not exactly unlawful or creepy; I don’t illegally download movies or write erotic fanfic about Statler and Waldorf from the Muppets. But what I do is shameful nonetheless: I watch movies and TV shows on double speed. I have a special browser extension that lets me speed up any streaming service—Netflix, Hulu, HBO, you name it. It takes me half an hour to watch (less if I skip the ads). I can polish off a sitcom in The Irishman (Derry Girls IT’S LIKE CHUGGING A BOTTLE OF CHÂTEAU LAFITE ROTHSCHILD WITH A BEER FUNNEL.” 60 Minutes JULY 2020 ILLUSTRATION BY ZOHAR LAZAR 52 EW ● COM
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