ASK: WHAT DOES THIS REMIND ME OF?

It comes out of nowhere

While out with friends for a ladies’ lunch, you can’t enjoy the fun because you suddenly feel annoyed. Before you know it, you’re snapping at your pals. “Common wisdom says when you have a bad feeling to express it, but that doesn’t always work,” observes Wegela. “When you don’t know why you’re in a bad mood, venting tends to perpetuate the mood without clarifying anything. You may end up saying things you might later regret and push your friends away.”

What can help: thinking of past experiences that feel similar to this one. “When analyzing a problem, your brain doesn’t say, What is this?” notes Barrett. “It says, What is this like? It’s predicting rather than reacting to cues in the environment.” You might realize that a friend’s offhand remark got your guard up because it reminded you of a critical neighbor’s passive barbs. Making that connection could help you see no harm was meant and there’s no reason to be upset now. Explains Barrett, “Your brain runs on patterns, so finding that pattern match will help you get over the bad mood faster.”