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GA Voice - - Blackgaypride -

at Cae­sars Palace, as well as what she thinks of the pass­ing this year of so many mu­sic greats.

You’ve been a life­line for many of your LGBT fans, in­clud­ing my­self, be­cause you’ve showed us that even an out­sider can find his or her place. When was the first time in your life you were ex­actly the per­son you wanted to be?

Wow. The first time I can think of, and this is a great thing that ac­tu­ally in­cor­po­rated work and fun and be­ing free and mu­sic, was when I made the video for “Honey” (in 1997), and I went swim­ming in the shoes. It was just… I al­ways wanted to have the free­dom to be my­self and I wasn’t in a sit­u­a­tion where that was OK; I wasn’t al­lowed to be­cause of that, uhh, first re­la­tion­ship (to ex-hus­band and then-Sony Mu­sic head Tommy Mot­tola). I had to over­come a lot to get through that, but that video – prior to that, I al­ways had to set­tle for less than I wanted to be, and I wasn’t al­lowed to be who I was. And it re­ally took a lot of courage. It wasn’t just like, “I’m gonna make a video.” It was, “I am mov­ing on with my life, and I have to for my own self be­cause I’m trapped in a sit­u­a­tion.”

I know what you’re say­ing – I’ve been there. I mean, I’ve not made a mu­sic video...

(Laughs) Treat the mu­sic video as “I had a great time some­where!” But it in­cluded me do­ing work and mak­ing a video, which for me, that’s not re­ally work if it’s fun. And then also just all the el­e­ments that I love: the beach, the wa­ter, the free­dom, the whole nar­ra­tive of the thing. But yeah, it took a while to get there.

You’re do­ing some of your ear­li­est songs dur­ing your Ve­gas res­i­dency. How has your voice and your ap­proach to singing these songs, some of which are over 20 years old, changed?

You know what, cer­tain days I’m like, “Oh, this is a re­ally good day for me; I had a lot of vo­cal rest to­day and blah, blah, blah,” and some days for me I have to be a lit­tle bit more ex­per­i­men­tal and play around on stage be­cause maybe it’s not as strong for that minute. Re­ally, I just think I’ve be­come more con­fi­dent and more ex­per­i­men­tal in a good way, if you know what I mean, in us­ing dif­fer­ent parts of my voice and things. I al­ways did it, but I was more “stick to the script” and “don’t go off on a tan­gent.” You know, I think that peo­ple kind of like the tan­gents that I have! (Laughs) Singing tan­gents. Break­ing a high heel on stage tan­gents; what­ever the case may be.

We’ve seen a lot of greats pass away in the last sev­eral years: Prince, Whit­ney and David Bowie. In what ways do their un­timely deaths have you re­flect­ing on your own legacy and what you want that to be?

It’s re­ally in­ter­est­ing: I loved Prince and I still do. I love his mu­sic, and I’ll al­ways have it, and I grew up lis­ten­ing to Prince, ya know what I mean? I was lucky enough to get to know him, but be­fore I knew him I was lis­ten­ing to his mu­sic as an ado­les­cent, as a kid, so his pass­ing was very… I re­ally felt like he was one of those peo­ple who would be around for a re­ally long time be­cause he just was kind of age­less in a lot of ways.

But in terms of me re­flect­ing on my legacy? I’m not at that place right now. I’m still very much do­ing fun, cre­ative things that, you know, I don’t want to go into a long, drawn out thing about, but a lot of dif­fer­ent projects. Some movie things. I’m get­ting ready to go back in the stu­dio re­ally soon, and ob­vi­ously I’m do­ing this res­i­dency in Ve­gas. It’s re­ally fun, but I’m not trapped there. I can do other things. We just got back from the Euro­pean tour, which was amaz­ing au­di­ences, and then we went to Africa, so it’s like, all that stuff is great.

But what do I think my legacy will be? It’s re­ally hard for me to an­swer that. I just hope the fans who’ve been so sup­port­ive of me through­out my whole ca­reer will have my mu­sic and it’ll make a dif­fer­ence in peo­ple’s lives as you told me it did for you, which is amaz­ing, be­cause not ev­ery­one knows songs like “Out­side” or “Look­ing In” or “Close My Eyes.”

“I was a way­ward child”… trust me, I know those words by heart.

Trust me, I do too. “...with the weight of the world that I held deep in­side.”

Is the weight lifted?

You know what – is the weight lifted? Ahhh, I think that it’s dif­fer­ent now. It’s just dif­fer­ent. ... I don’t want that to be mis­in­ter­preted; I don’t want you to mis­in­ter­pret that. I just mean like, in a lot of ways there are other things that are the “weight of the world” to me. Like my life now, I have other re­spon­si­bil­i­ties. I was re­ally writ­ing that about the child ver­sion of me; I re­ally did have the weight of the world on my shoul­ders as a kid, that’s how deep it felt for me.

Af­ter this in­ter­view was con­ducted, the E! net­work an­nounced that Carey will star in a “do­cuseries” called “Mariah’s World,” which fol­lows the life of the singer as she be­gins her The Sweet Sweet Fan­tasy Tour around Europe and plans to get mar­ried. The show pre­mieres De­cem­ber 4, 2016.

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