THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID

GA Voice - - Outspoken - By MELISSA CARTER

It’s time for some real talk. We are all adults here, and there seems to be an er­ror in judg­ment that needs to be ad­dressed. Es­pe­cially if you plan on trav­el­ing dur­ing the hol­i­days and in­tend on tak­ing ev­ery­thing with you.

Crews in Thai­land were re­cently get­ting a flight ready for take­off when bag­gage han­dlers no­ticed a green ruck­sack shak­ing. They de­tected a hum­ming sound com­ing from the bag and got so con­cerned it was a bomb they con­tacted au­thor­i­ties to come check it out. Bomb disposal ex­perts raced to the run­way and care­fully ripped open the bag only to find some­one’s sil­ver bul­let sex toy had ac­ci­den­tally been turned on. Mor­ti­fy­ing for the woman who owned that bag, but quite en­ter­tain­ing for ev­ery­one else.

Look, I’m grown and not em­bar­rassed to say I know first­hand these de­vices have a bat­tery com­part­ment, and I ques­tion why in the world some­one would leave the bat­ter­ies IN while packing their suit­case. You aren’t in that much of a rush to make sure that these lit­tle em­bar­rass­ing ac­ci­dents never hap­pen. How­ever, it’s not al­ways the adult toys you need to be con­cerned about where bat­ter­ies and va­ca­tion­ing are in­volved.

I once took a girl­friend on a cruise with Olivia, a com­pany that spe­cial­izes in les­bian travel. If you have never trav­eled over­seas on a ship, there is a com­plex system upon your re­turn to check all the lug­gage back into the U.S. We pas­sen­gers stood in what looked like a ware­house while staff lined up all the bags from the ship to one side, which took up about a quar­ter of the space we were in. Of the hun­dreds of les­bians gath­ered to­gether in this room only one bag was vi­brat­ing … and it was ours. This mo­tion off the ocean was de­tected by the staff work­ers, who had to pub­licly ask whose bag this was.

Re­luc­tantly we had to make our way over to the lug­gage, my mind rac­ing the whole time of what it could be. That is be­cause I knew we did not take any “lit­tle helper” along with us on the voy­age, and rec­og­nized the irony that ours was likely the only bag in this sea of les­bians with­out a sex toy. My girl­friend opened the bag to re­veal her vi­brat­ing tooth­brush at the ready. Some­how the off but­ton had been turned on in the trans­port from the ship. Not the re­sult the crew was hop­ing for I am sure, but none­the­less it made us red-faced as we re-en­tered the coun­try.

I know pre­par­ing for va­ca­tion can be stress­ful, es­pe­cially when mak­ing sure you have made all the prepa­ra­tions be­fore head­ing out of town. While away I say you do you, or any­one else you please, but let’s make sure any tools you need for the job are kept se­curely in your checked lug­gage so that only those who are in­volved can see them. Bat­ter­ies not in­cluded.

Melissa Carter is one of the Morn­ing Show hosts on B98.5. In ad­di­tion, she is a writer for the Huff­in­g­ton Post. She is rec­og­nized as one of the first out ra­dio per­son­al­i­ties in At­lanta and one of the few in the coun­try. Fol­low her on Twit­ter@Melis­saCarter

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