THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID
It’s time for some real talk. We are all adults here, and there seems to be an error in judgment that needs to be addressed. Especially if you plan on traveling during the holidays and intend on taking everything with you.
Crews in Thailand were recently getting a flight ready for takeoff when baggage handlers noticed a green rucksack shaking. They detected a humming sound coming from the bag and got so concerned it was a bomb they contacted authorities to come check it out. Bomb disposal experts raced to the runway and carefully ripped open the bag only to find someone’s silver bullet sex toy had accidentally been turned on. Mortifying for the woman who owned that bag, but quite entertaining for everyone else.
Look, I’m grown and not embarrassed to say I know firsthand these devices have a battery compartment, and I question why in the world someone would leave the batteries IN while packing their suitcase. You aren’t in that much of a rush to make sure that these little embarrassing accidents never happen. However, it’s not always the adult toys you need to be concerned about where batteries and vacationing are involved.
I once took a girlfriend on a cruise with Olivia, a company that specializes in lesbian travel. If you have never traveled overseas on a ship, there is a complex system upon your return to check all the luggage back into the U.S. We passengers stood in what looked like a warehouse while staff lined up all the bags from the ship to one side, which took up about a quarter of the space we were in. Of the hundreds of lesbians gathered together in this room only one bag was vibrating … and it was ours. This motion off the ocean was detected by the staff workers, who had to publicly ask whose bag this was.
Reluctantly we had to make our way over to the luggage, my mind racing the whole time of what it could be. That is because I knew we did not take any “little helper” along with us on the voyage, and recognized the irony that ours was likely the only bag in this sea of lesbians without a sex toy. My girlfriend opened the bag to reveal her vibrating toothbrush at the ready. Somehow the off button had been turned on in the transport from the ship. Not the result the crew was hoping for I am sure, but nonetheless it made us red-faced as we re-entered the country.
I know preparing for vacation can be stressful, especially when making sure you have made all the preparations before heading out of town. While away I say you do you, or anyone else you please, but let’s make sure any tools you need for the job are kept securely in your checked luggage so that only those who are involved can see them. Batteries not included.
Melissa Carter is one of the Morning Show hosts on B98.5. In addition, she is a writer for the Huffington Post. She is recognized as one of the first out radio personalities in Atlanta and one of the few in the country. Follow her on Twitter@MelissaCarter