Girl un­com­fort­able at gym can en­joy long walks

Hawaii Tribune Herald - - MIXED PLATE -

DEAR ABBY: My mom wants me to ex­er­cise more. Cur­rently, I just walk a lot (in my house and around the block). I know ex­er­cise is a good idea, but I’m re­ally self-con­scious about it. I never feel like I’m do­ing it right (be­cause I know you can eas­ily pull a mus­cle), and I feel like ev­ery­one else in the gym is judg­ing me.

Now that I’m 17, Mom ex­pects me to be more ma­ture about this. I don’t even feel com­fort­able swim­ming in pub­lic places any­more. I feel stressed about it, but Mom just thinks I’m be­ing picky.

Be­ing in a gym makes me feel un­happy and judged. I wish there was a bet­ter way to ex­er­cise, but I don’t know what. How can I get my mom to un­der­stand how hard this is for me? — WON­DER­ING

IN WICHITA

DEAR WON­DER­ING: Go­ing to a gym can be fun if you do it with a buddy. Most of the peo­ple there are more con­cerned with what are do­ing than what any­one else is. That said, go­ing to the gym isn’t for ev­ery­one. There are many forms of ex­er­cise.

Tell your mother you would pre­fer to ex­er­cise on your own rather than go to a gym. Then put on your walk­ing shoes, leave the house and walk for 20 to 30 min­utes a day. It’s good for you. Lis­ten to mu­sic when you’re do­ing it and it will make the time go quickly. And on days when you don’t want to go out­side, put on some mu­sic and dance. It’s good for the cir­cu­la­tion, and it’s also good for the soul.

DEAR ABBY: My hus­band and I have been mar­ried 44 years. We eloped in high school and still feel like new­ly­weds. We built a suc­cess­ful busi­ness, op­er­ated it for 40 years and re­cently had an op­por­tu­nity to sell it.

The prob­lem is my mother. We bought a sec­ond home in Cal­i­for­nia, but kept our first home. Ev­ery time I call to ask how she and Dad are do­ing, she re­sponds with, “You don’t care how we are. If you did, you would be here.”

I love our new life. Our kids are grown and we are en­joy­ing our­selves to the fullest. We are both in ex­cel­lent health, and still young at heart. How can we tell her we have a life we love with­out her be­ing so re­sent­ful? — LOV­ING LIFE IN CAL­I­FOR­NIA

DEAR LOV­ING: You can’t be­cause your mother thinks you should be at her beck and call. She had you close since you were a child, and now she might be feel­ing de­serted.

At this point, I don’t ad­vise telling your mother you “have a life you love” with­out her. In­stead, I sug­gest you phrase your greet­ing to her more care­fully.

Rather than ask how she and your dad are do­ing, say you are “call­ing to check in.” Say you were think­ing about her. And if she starts in with “you don’t care,” tell her you care or you wouldn’t be on the phone with her, but if she keeps giv­ing you a guilt trip, she’ll be hear­ing from you less.

DEAR ABBY: If you go to a party and bring some­thing (chips, soda, etc.), what is the rule of eti­quette about tak­ing it home when you leave? — PRAC­TI­CAL IN IDAHO

DEAR PRAC­TI­CAL: When some­one brings food to a party, it could be con­sid­ered a host/ host­ess gift. Be­fore tak­ing any of it home, first ask your host or host­ess if it would be all right. While some peo­ple wouldn’t mind, oth­ers might, so you shouldn’t as­sume be­cause you brought some­thing that the left­overs are yours.

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