Man dis­plays drink­ing prob­lem in widow’s yard

Hawaii Tribune Herald - - MIXED PLATE -

DEAR ABBY: I’m a wid­owed se­nior who has been dat­ing a very kind man, “Ben,” for three years. He’s re­tired; I am not. He does things for and with me, and we en­joy trav­el­ing to­gether.

The prob­lem is, Ben usu­ally starts drink­ing about 3 p.m. at the neigh­bor­hood bar. I’m wel­come to join him, but I pre­fer to work at my job or vol­un­teer in the com­mu­nity. By the grace of God, Ben has made it home safely every night, but I’m afraid he will even­tu­ally hurt some­one.

My son came home for a month be­cause of a job change, and tonight he found Ben passed out in the front yard. I told my son I was sorry, and he said not to be, but he does not want his fam­ily — my grand­chil­dren — around when Ben is like this.

I am so em­bar­rassed. I would miss this re­la­tion­ship, but I’m won­der­ing if you think I should end it. — MISS­ING THE GOOD IN HIM

DEAR MISS­ING THE GOOD: It must have been clear to you for some time Ben has a se­ri­ous drink­ing prob­lem that needs to be ad­dressed. Whether you should end the re­la­tion­ship de­pends upon whether he is will­ing to ad­mit he has a prob­lem and is will­ing to do some­thing about it.

Be­cause Ben’s drink­ing is now af­fect­ing you and, by ex­ten­sion, your fam­ily, it’s time to con­front him and give him a choice — get help or find an­other lady friend. There are Al­co­holics Anony­mous groups world­wide and in al­most every com­mu­nity. Steer Ben in that di­rec­tion, and while you’re at it, lo­cate the near­est Al-Anon group for your­self. You will find it sym­pa­thetic and help­ful.

DEAR ABBY: I re­cently used a na­tional an­ces­try com­pany to de­ter­mine my her­itage. I also pro­vided kits to my adult chil­dren think­ing it would be a fun ex­er­cise we all could share. Un­for­tu­nately, my good deed came with un­ex­pected con­se­quences.

Ac­cord­ing to the re­sults, my youngest son isn’t re­lated to me. Ap­par­ently, un­be­knownst to me, my ex-wife had an af­fair 25 years ago.

What do I do now? Should I con­front my ex to ver­ify the af­fair and learn the iden­tity of my son’s fa­ther? How do we tell my son? Should we? How do we han­dle our fam­i­lies? Keep it a se­cret? I would ap­pre­ci­ate your guid­ance. — UN­KNOWN FAM­ILY TREE

DEAR UN­KNOWN: Be­fore mak­ing ac­cu­sa­tions or an­nounce­ments, it is im­por­tant you de­ter­mine the ac­cu­racy of the test to make ab­so­lutely sure the re­sults are con­clu­sive. If a sec­ond test ver­i­fies the first, your son should be in­formed be­cause he has a right to know his fa­mil­ial med­i­cal his­tory — and should talk to his mother about who his bi­o­log­i­cal fa­ther is.

Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby. com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

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